"Germain, you have been imposed upon by an ignorant quack," replied Mrs. Mullenhauser, severely. "If you risk your light body in those great rollers at Coney Island you will be swept away. Be contented with your small proportions and try to show that you make up in mind what you lack in matter."
"I won't," cried the small man, angrily. "I'll take Dr. Brown's advice, and I'll soon be as fat as you are now. Though Lord knows what size you'll be then, if you follow the directions of that ass, Jones," he added sarcastically.
Thus was made between them the fissure that has since been widening daily. They went down to Coney Island together and engaged board and lodging. They kept up a show of friendliness before the public to save appearances, but they ate their meals in silence and bathed at different parts of the beach.
The other frequenters looked at them with amazement, for a great change was soon perceptible in each. Drs. Brown and Jones were both right. At the end of sixty days their joint weight was still 300 pounds, but Mr. Mullenhauser now tipped the scales at 210 pounds and was threatened with dropsy, while his wife could only turn them at 90 pounds, looked like a scarecrow, and feared to breast the waves, as she had formerly done, lest they should sweep her away.
They fled by different trains from the seaside and tried to consult the slighted family physician, but he refused to be consulted, and advised them, cynically, to see Drs. Jones and Brown. Mrs. Mullenhauser is half a foot taller than her spouse, and much better adapted, anatomically, to carry the heavier burden of flesh. She looks like a greyhound, and he like a puncheon standing on its end. It is likely that before the bathing season returns, Brown, the ignorant quack, will prescribe for the lady, and Jones, the ass, for her husband.
—N. Y. Sun.
Was Qualified.
"Well, Herr Schulze, what are you going to do with your boy?"