I always hate to tell a story out of season, but I am afraid that this one will not keep until the next Fourth of July, so here goes: A woman who lives in the western part of our city was very much disturbed by the frightful noises which accompanied the celebration this year. She was old and quite ill, and she had spent a night in tossing, waiting in vain for a silence that came not and which drove sleep out of the question. It was near sunbreak, when the noise was at its wildest, when with a groan she turned over and in despair ejaculated: "Goodness, gracious me. I wish the other side had licked!"
—Baltimore Free Press.
She Knew the Vegetable.
Mrs. J. (severely)—John, there is a very strong odor about you.
Mr. J.—Yes—hic—my dear, I've—hic—been eating onions.
Mrs. J.—You may have the onion breath, John, but you certainly have not the onion walk.
—Life.