“Th’ doctor can’t do nothin’, Ike. He informs me that th’ one ambition in life is to hit somethin’ with his shotgun. Sez he never had and never expects to, but he’s game to keep on tryin’.”
Pretty soon th’ doc comes down from th’ cabin, and sets down on one of th’ packs. He dusts th’ end of uh cigaret on his hand, and grins at me and Magpie.
“Some outfit, eh?” he sez. “What do yuh think of it?”
“Well,” sez Magpie, “I knowed uh feller oncet what got hung fer sayin’ what he thought, so with this one short remark I’ll close—awful!”
“Exactly,” agrees th’ doc, explodin’ uh cloud uh smoke that would asphyxiate uh gila monster. “I quite agrees with you. You see th’ professor has a lot more money than any ordinary professor ought to have and if he wishes to spend it on a proposition like this it’s none of our funeral.”
“Th’ first part of yore oration sounds sensible,” sez Magpie, “but th’ last line ain’t exactly true. Knowin’ th’ natcheral disposition of uh fe-male grizzly, I’d say that it might be our funeral. Jist because we’re merely accessories to th’ fact don’t affect th’ gray matter in th’ skull of uh she-grizzly.
“All men looks alike to her. Mebby she’d shy at th’ perfessor, but I’m bettin’ that uh rear view of th’ ol’ boy goin’ up uh tree or doin’ th’ vanishin’ act over uh hill might fool uh mad grizzly into thinkin’ she was chasin’ uh real, honest-to-grandma man. Uh course she’d find out her mistake, but by that time it’s too late to rectify it. No self-respectin’ rattler’d bite him, either, but yuh got to figger that nobody ever met uh self-respectin’ rattler. No, sir, I reckon we got to close-herd th’ perfessor.”
“I’d be there with my shotgun,” grins th’ doc. “Mebby I could hit uh bear with it. That would be some satisfaction.”
“And it wouldn’t bother th’ bear,” sez I. “If yuh feels like tryin’ out that two-tunneled spray-weapon on uh bear, take this advice: Try one barrel on th’ bear and th’ other on yoreself. Mebby it’s jist uh li’l out uh place fer uh stranger to tell uh feller how to pass out uh this here vale uh tears, but uh scatter-gun don’t compare with uh grizzly when it comes to messy-lookin’ corpses. Them animiles shore do admire to take yuh apart.”
I cooked supper that night. One thing in my favor was th’ fact that th’ perfessor’s wife is too hungry and tired to make any suggestions. I ain’t no dog-gone French cook, but I shore hates to have uh fe-male person tell me how to cook beans. We worries through supper without no casualties, and after we gits through, Mrs. Per-fessor goes to bed on my bunk, and th’ rest of us sets out in front of th’ cabin and smokes uh while.