The woman who grasps the meaning of the following truism and determines to practice it, is well on her way to happiness and success. "It is the man that has a system in both life and business that wins the battles." The struggle of life has become so strenuous that most everyone's nerves are always near the explosive point,—the man who has a system in life has discovered that there is nothing to be gained by being disrespectful or discourteous, or by butting rough-shod into the affairs or interests of other people; tact, diplomacy, flattery, the temperamental capacity to wiggle around the explosive corners of other peoples' irascible nerves to gain your point, is "having a system," and it wins battles. The young wife who knows how to do this, is so far ahead of the army of ordinary young wives, that she need not take time to look around to see if the others are gaining ground. They will never overtake her.
Rest and Sleep.—The husband must get enough rest each night, so don't drag him away to parties and balls and late suppers. Be a philanthropist—give him the care you would give a thoroughbred horse with which you hoped to win a big stake. Let him think, however, that you are doing it for his sake. To you the prize is a greater stake—it means life's failure or success. Remember you are in this fight to win. The gratification of whims and fancies during the first year of married life leads to the establishment of expensive habits, and may be the one factor that will mean failure in the future, when you will wish, with all your heart that you had begun differently. The time to sacrifice, to work hard, to plan ahead, is when one is young; when hope is strong and health is good—not when ambition falters, when age grows weary, when efficiency is impossible, and when regrets crowd in on us and failure crushes energy and hope and happiness. The struggle of life is a real one to every soul born, but it is worth the fight, and the glory of a fight won is the greatest human satisfaction this side of the grave. Try it, try to win.
Enough Exercise.—Be sure your husband is getting enough exercise. If his work is desk work, think out some plan to compel him to take the exercise every healthy animal requires. Make up your mind definitely what is necessary and exactly what it is you want him to do, and then begin to work in your own successful way with that object in view. It may be systematized gymnastic work he needs. If so, suggest to him the advisability of becoming a member of a club or gymnasium, or get two sets of exercisers and begin work on them yourself if necessary. Devote ten minutes every morning and night to exercise. He will soon follow you, and many happy contests you will have and profitable ones too. Working together is the secret of domestic peace. Even if this reads like slavery or self-immolation, what do you care? You are happy, you are working for something, the time will come when you will have realized your ambition. Domestic happiness and material success are worth all we are asked to pay for them and they are never obtainable on the bargain counter.
It may be outdoor exercise he needs, try golf, swimming, baseball, tennis, anything to gain your point; and, all the time, remember you are leading him by your apron-string because you have discovered the secret of "how to go about it."
Freedom From Worry.—A man cannot work efficiently and worry at the same time. Modern business methods are conducted on such a strenuous basis that, to keep "in the ring," a man needs every ounce of reserve he can command. Don't imagine your husband is totally free from cares and responsibilities just because he is not at business. He may have left his office a few minutes earlier than usual to get away from trouble. Encourage the system. When a man feels in his heart that there is one person in the world to whom he can always turn, and be sure of a loving, sympathetic greeting, one who understands and believes in him, one place he can always go and feel certain of enjoying peace, and comfort and contentment, there is little danger of any friend supplanting the wife, or any club or saloon taking the place of home.
Do Your Part.—The moment you know your husband is in the house, change the expression on your face, smile, even if it pains you, and go to him with a familiar word of greeting and give him a kiss. Do this every day of your life, unless when you are sick in bed, when he will go to you. Establish this habit, and if ever the day comes when he returns from work and there is no greeting, no kiss, stop the whole domestic ship, regard it as a tragedy. Don't let the first entering wedge of discord come into your life. If there is no first quarrel, there will never be a second. If you are at fault you had better right matters at once or take the consequences. Take our advice. Don't experiment with a man. Deep down, every man is a brute. There is a certain elemental devil in every male animal. Don't rouse it. You are only a woman. Don't invite a quarrel. You will get the worst of it. Keep on the peaceful side of the street. It is always a mistake to talk too much. Words are poison when silence is golden. You cannot make a mistake by leaving the husband alone if he is at fault. Time is a wonderful physician; she will heal almost any wound. Your tact, your silence, your seeming fear (in other words, your method "of going about it in the right spirit and in the right way"), and an opportunity to think it over, will make him ashamed of himself. He will want to crawl back into your good graces and the lesson will be a long remembered one to him,—if, and this is tremendously important—the wife does not glory in her triumph and nag him about it. The temptation to err is great and there are few young wives who can resist it. Keep silent, however. Don't refer to it and you will win more than you know. Blessed is she who can forget what is not worth remembering.
You will have averted the first quarrel and, inasmuch as the "first quarrel" is an historic event in every married woman's experience, it may be worthy of a little further consideration.
The First Quarrel.—Some women become weak in a crisis and spoil their own chances of success, despite the fact that circumstances may have been working in their favor. Some women meet a crisis bravely and do exactly the right thing at the right time but falter and fail after the crisis has passed. Take, for example, the incident we have just narrated. When a husband brings into the home a sample of his real self, for the first time, it is not really an unexpected event, though it may be an unpleasant shock to the young wife; and she must not render it an important incident by mismanagement. Nevertheless, it is in itself a momentous occasion, and it may prove to be the moment of destiny. The spirit of the lover has been the dominant spirit so far, the atmosphere of the honeymoon has continued, there has been no friction, no quarrel. To-night the husband has carried a business grouch into the home, his militant impulses are just below the surface, the slightest unfortunate word, the least lack of tact, a failure to "sense" the situation correctly, will explode the mine and wreck a dream. Deep down in the man's heart he does not want a quarrel but the brute in him will fight if the environment invites it. It takes two to quarrel. Silence on the part of the wife, therefore, is the only solution of the problem. If the first quarrel never takes place the second will never have to be dreaded. Silence, no matter what the provocation may be; no matter how acute the sense of injustice may be, silence is the only safe way out. The husband if left alone, will be ashamed of the situation his lack of self-control has created, the lover spirit will conquer the brute. He will regret the pain he has caused; he will want to forget and be forgiven quickly though he may not go through the formality of an apology. A formal apology and reconciliation will, in his judgment, dignify the episode and make a mountain out of a molehill. The wife will be wise to so regard it though it is an injustice to her. The husband will not underestimate the importance of the event, however, and in many ways will be a better husband in future, but he does not want to talk about it or be talked to regarding it. This is part of the psychology of the male, and the successful wife discovers it early and acts accordingly.
Having safely piloted your craft through the troubled waters, don't prove weak and silly when you reach a safe harbor. When the moment of passive reconciliation arrives, when it is necessary to resume the domestic routine, don't show the spirit of resentment. Be pleasant, don't cry, don't become hysterical. Be strong, ignore the whole affair, leave it in the hands of time and forget it. The victory is yours, don't lose it.
Fault Finding.—At a later date, when, in all probability, the wife will be the one whose conduct will incite trouble because of the worries incident to her more or less monotonous, domestic existence, much care will have to be exercised so that an unwitting fretfulness may not cause quarrels. When a man comes home at night tired and hungry, longing for peace, and comfort, and pleasant conversation, it is worse than anarchy to not only get no greeting, but to note the discontent on his wife's face, and to listen to a tirade of fault finding. Your husband has troubles of his own. The maid's impudence, the crossness of the baby, the noise of the neighbor's children, the toughness of the meat from the butcher, do not interest him. He is hungry, he wants to eat, and above all, he wants rest and peace. We are considering this subject from the economic standpoint. The young wife must recognize that if she is a fault finder, if she worries her husband, she interferes with his efficiency and jeopardizes the attainment of success,—her own success. From a purely selfish standpoint, it is a bad investment.