Ralph. That was hard to do, when his Head was cut off.
Will. Oh—but though the Head of his body was cut off, the Head of his Ghost was still on.—However, tho' it be not to be deny'd, that a Spirit without a Head has a very brisk motion, yet the Committee were not so cunning as to know how to bring his Ghost out of Buckinghamshire into Bloomsbury Square—and therefore another expedient was to be found out.—The Committee was extreamly puzl'd to find out this Expedient, till the Vintner, inspir'd no doubt with his own Pipes and Tierces, had it presently in his Pate.—Quo he Ladies and Gentlemen, why may not I act a Ghost, as well as Matt. Medbourn?
Ralph. Frolick for frolick now, it would be a very good humour to Indict this Vintner upon the Statute of 21 Jacob, 26, for endeavouring to personate the Lord Russel's Ghost, on purpose to procure an acknowledgment contrary to his will and consent.
Will. Faith, Sir, the very action itself procur'd him punishment enough, to be well drub'd, and two such lovely forehead marks of Knave and Fool, that Ten Fountains, with all the Soap in the City, will never wash off.
Ralph. Pardon me, Sir, I have a greater opinion of the Vintner, and that he acted what he did in the imitation of Theseus and Eneas, who both went to visit Pluto's Dominions; but this same Vintner undertook to be even a tormented Inhabitant of the Lower Shades himself, to advance the Popish Interest, which was much a more daring deed then that of Theseus. The Vintner had Listed himself in Hell, which Theseus never did.
Will. Ay—but Theseus was Theseus; Theseus kicked Proserpina's Dog before her Face, in her own Dining-Room: But this Bugbear of a Vintner suffer'd himself to be thrash'd like any mortal Coward, and yet the Fool had not the wit to vanish.—They say, had the Earth yielded never so little, the first blow the Beadle hit, had struck him down to the place from whence he pretended to come.
Ralph. But can you tell who hatched this Chicken of a Design?
Will. Politick Heads, Sir, Politick Heads,—very Politick Heads—and of both Sexes too I assure ye.
Ralph. I must confess I admire neither of their ingenuities; and as for the Women, I find 'em much more famous for the crafty carrying on a Love intrigue, or concealing their private enjoyments, then in managing Hobgoblin Plots.