“Oh, bring my action, if you please,
The case I pray you urge on,
And win me thumping damages
From Cobb, that haughty surgeon.
He culpably neglected me
Although I proffered him his fee,
So pray come down, in wig and gown,
On Cobb, that haughty surgeon!”
That Counsel learned in the laws,
With passion almost trembled.
He just had gained a mighty cause
Before the Peers assembled!
Said he, “How dare you have the face
To come with Common Jury case
To one who wings rhetoric flings
Before the Peers assembled?”
Dispirited became our friend—
Depressed his moral pecker—
“But stay! a thought!—I’ll gain my end,
And save my poor exchequer.
I won’t be placed upon the shelf,
I’ll take it into Court myself,
And legal lore display before
The Court of the Exchequer.”
He found a Baron—one of those
Who with our laws supply us—
In wig and silken gown and hose,
As if at Nisi Prius.
But he’d just given, off the reel,
A famous judgment on Appeal:
It scarce became his heightened fame
To sit at Nisi Prius.
Our friend began, with easy wit,
That half concealed his terror:
“Pooh!” said the Judge, “I only sit
In Banco or in Error.
Can you suppose, my man, that I’d
O’er Nisi Prius Courts preside,
Or condescend my time to spend
On anything but Error?”
“Too bad,” said Gibbs, “my case to shirk!
You must be bad innately,
To save your skill for mighty work
Because it’s valued greatly!”
But here he woke, with sudden start.
* * * * * * * *
He wrote to say he’d play the part.
I’ve but to tell he played it well—
The author’s words—his native wit
Combined, achieved a perfect “hit”—
The papers praised him greatly.
THE TWO MAJORS.
An excellent soldier who’s worthy the name
Loves officers dashing and strict:
When good, he’s content with escaping all blame,
When naughty, he likes to be licked.