It is pleasant indeed to find that not a man who knows me has any belief that there has been anything wrong. They think I have been politically wrong in not consulting my own interests by propitiating the powers that be, and they know that I am the victim of official enmity in high places; but I am proud to say, that not one of them all (and indeed I believe I might include my worst foes and accusers in the category) believes that I have committed any more than errors of judgment, and that, owing to the pressure of work which came upon me all at once, and which was more than one man could manage at once, without leaving something to be done at a more convenient season.
I can honestly say, that for months before I was summoned into Peshawur for the inquiry, I had never known what a half hour's respite from toil and anxiety was; in fact, ever since I first traced the lines of the fort at Murdân, in December, 1853, I was literally weighed down by incessant calls on my time and attention, and went to bed at night thoroughly exhausted and worn out, to rise before daylight to a renewed round of toil and worry.
I remember telling John Lawrence, that, if they got rid of me, he would require three men to do the work which I had been doing for Government; and it has already proved literally true. They have had to appoint three different officers to the work I had done single-handed, and that, too, after the worst was over!
Umbâla, March 25th, 1856.
Of myself I have little to tell you; things have been much in statu quo. Major Taylor's report, of which I am going to send you a copy, is most satisfactory. There is much which you will probably not understand in the way of technicalities, but the general purport will be clear to you.
I expect to join my regiment in about three weeks. They are marching up from Bengal to Dugshai, a hill station sixty miles from hence, and ten from Kussowlee and Subathoo respectively, so I shall be close to old haunts. I am very glad we shall be in a good climate, for though I have not given in or failed, I am thankful to say, still the last eighteen months have told a good deal upon me, and I am not up to heat or work. If the colonel (Welchman) can, he is going to give me the adjutancy of the regiment, which will be a gain in every way, not only as showing to the world that, in spite of all which has happened, there is nothing against my character, but as increasing my income, and giving me the opportunity of learning a good deal of work which will be useful to me, and of doing, I hope, a good deal of good amongst the men. It will be the first step up the ladder again, after tumbling to the bottom.
Soon afterwards, Lieutenant Hodson rejoined the 1st Fusileers at Dugshai. It may be necessary for the sake of unprofessional readers, to explain that during the whole time that he had been Assistant Commissioner in the Punjaub, or in command of the Guides, he had continued to belong to this regiment, as political or staff appointments in India do not dissolve an officer's connection with his own regiment.
On April 8th he writes from Dugshai:—
... I have but little to tell you to cheer you on my account. My health, which had stood the trial wonderfully, was beginning to fail, but I shall soon be strong again in this healthy mountain air 7,000 feet above the sea.