To Editor New York newspaper which act grand to my hummbelness.
Dear Mr.—I am a familiar case. Therefore permit me to ask one humour reproach about something very mixed which are going to happen to these U. S. July 4th are it. This ceremony have occur so oftenly to America that persons should be used to it. Persons is mostly able to get used to whatever happen in eventual time. Japan have gradual became innocule to hon. beri-beri, which are a fine disease, if you must have one. Hawaii islands also feels ditto about lepordsy, which are regarded a pretty custom among natives who got it. China are used to opium-smoke, England are used to Parliament. Then why-so these America never get used to July 4th? I ask to know.
Answer is this: She never will! She think may-be-so she might, when something discouridge occur. By July 4th morning she take some nervous medecine to soothe it. She feels strongly better. Joyful pops in distance. “Ha!” she say for bluff, “I am vaccinated with gunpowder,” Louder and more smashy become fusileer of bang-bang musick until some fraxures bust to window. Then silences. “Heavenly praise!” say Hon. America, “in another minutes I should do a scream.” Of suddenly large curl of smoke are saw, then roof-afire followed by chicken-yard blazes. Local hook-corps come with hose in time to rake together ashes of sweet home & fireshade. Then Hon. America forget calm resolve & enjoy some hysterick.
Sydney Katsu Jr., who are my affectionate chumb, make a humoristick remark when I tell him this parabula about Hon. America. He say, “Hon. America can’t no more get used to July 4th than she can get used to Hon. Roosevelt.” I hope you will convulse yourself with this joke, because it sound very delicious in Japanese.
I enquire of some frequent Americans why-so it are necessary to blow up America once annually to make them patriotick. I am replied by snickkers from many. Yet others indulge me with following answer: “We must make considerable Jar in order to remind us of American Flag.” So fooly excuse! Do Hon. Japan have to blow herself up once annually in order to remind her of that dear sun-banner? Answer is, No!! When Hon. Japan wish to remind herself of Japanese Flag she go blow up Hon. Russia, which will do pretty well.
By last July 4th, while roming up San Francisco for silent reflecion on patriotism, etc., I am shook around by Port Arthur explosions from all direction. It were as if Hon. Inferno had got away & was scratching himself with thunderbolts. Please imagine it. Popcorn sounds from small firework was aggrevated by occasional intense jar of mammal torpedo. At corner of St. I seen one intelligent American laddish boy age 9 a-blowing on dynamite fuse to make her go up.
“Before finishing yourself,” I snuggest with kind face, “please told me why you wish make such an explode.”
“Because of Revolutional War,” surrogate them tiny child.
“Do firecrack blow-up give you some intelligent instructions about Revolutional War history?” I request for answer.
“Of sure it do!” declaim them kidly youth procuring flames from matchbox.