“I are not yet requested,” is erupt from me.
“You are a modish violet,” is vocal from Hon. Suds. “Therefore say it secretly.”
“If I was President,” I rake out, “I should be divided into 2 parts. The ½ part of me should be radikal & kind of dangerous; but the other ½ portion should safely set upon the Constitution and keep it pressed.”
“Would such a double lives be decent?” commit Hon. Anazuma.
“In such high positions, yes,” I dabble. “A ideel Pres. of these U. S. should be a cross between Theodore Roosevelt & Chester A. Arthur. With one hand he should affectionately protect the interests of the People while with the other he should be nice to the people of the Interests. If it are necessary for him to be 2 places at once he must go there. When requested he must attend a Idaho Miners’ Noyesy Barbecue full of malice for them Hon. Malefactors; but he must not neglect a invitation to Insurance Scandalous Banquet where he can set by Hon. Paul Morton and talk like a Injunction.”
“So shocky!” say I. Anazuma with razor. “It are shamefully difficult to shave such a two-faced Japanese.”
“In antique times of pagan Rome,” I dib, “there was a deliciously heathen god named January who was able to look in 2 directions with a double face. On one side he had a face like Hon. Judge Landis, on the other a expression like Hon. Judge Grosscup. When malefactors of great wealth go to Judge Landis side of them two-face idol they was filled with shivvers because of their sinful rebates; so they crawl around to Judge Grosscup side and was forgiven. But when malefactors of great poverty get in front of them Grosscup face to make kick against Olive Oil Trust, they almost went to jail for their crimes, so they hurry around to Judge Landis face and was comforted to know that taking rebates from Harriman was sinnier than taking silverware from a Soldiers’ Home.”
“I am delicious to know,” say Hon. Anazuma who are studying to be a Y. M. C. A., “that them heathen idol January were bursted by hatchets of early Christian parents.”
“He were finally bursted,” I rebuke, “but he last for several 1000’s of year & were a nicely successful god. He were popular like a circus for long lines of Hon. Politicians what wish to learn-how. What-say Mr. Vergil, famous Roman poeter, about them god January? He-say, ‘Get there, January!’ which have been a politickal motto every since.”