S. P.—Who will be the First Baby in the Land now that Quentin Roosevelt have refused a Third Term? Little Charlie Taft are studying childish pranks so he can hold them position of Publick Cuteness. Hon. Steam Shovelers’ Union of Panama is first to give Hon. Taft a union card. Hon. Steam Rollers’ Union should be ashamed of their slowness!
H. T.
XXI
HOW AMERICAN ADVERTISEMENT DOES IT
San Francisco, July 28th.
To Editor New York Newspaper who might know list of peculiarities.
Dear Mr. Sir—Please to ask some of your customers who read that dear paper to tell one necessary reply to poor Japanese Boy who is again in condition of not working. Please ask them how best for cheap money I can advertise myself as needing situation of employment at wash-dishes, table-wait, being valet or teaching American language to Japanese or German foreigners. I put in the following itemized appeal into San Francisco newspaper-press:
Wanted—Japanese Schoolboy is earnest about something to do, and can speeck Japanese or American while doing so. Can make beds politely, cherish house-plants and assist cow or horse of good family. I perform most difficult duties when confined to kitchen and can persuade Pianola to go when excited. Answer it immediately. Maybe that will be too late—Response, Togo, this news.
That correspondence cost me price of $1.85 obtained by borrowing. I am depressed about results and confused to think. This morning I see that advertise in newspaper-press where I put it. But sakes of life! how difficult to see it! I look in Wanting Column of this journal-paper and find such disgusting number of persons was pleading for jobs and was crowding all over that page saying so about it. Very few of these offered to do such talented things like I did. And yet I was No. 114 in that list of workers! It is very difficult for pride of Japanese Boy to read about himself in such small print.
Of suddenly I enjoy one serious brain-thought. Advertising is one beautiful national custom which Japanese Boy must learn before becoming complete. It is habit of these U. S. persons to print statements of their virtues and hand it around. In Japan when spring of love-time come along persons deliver little lily-pad plants to doorstep and remind friends of their aliveness. In these U. S. persons at approach of springtime deliver advertisement-circular for same reason. Hon. Dr. Smith, dentist, leave to doorstep of dear friend following card: