Them Olympus Games are a great event for all Nationalities with excepting of Japanese who is too civilized to enjoy such rude fights. Such games is a considerable antique, for they was invented at Battle of Marathon in a previous B. C. time. On them occasion a Grecian boy run 27 mile to get away from Hon. Persians & was declare a champion by Honduras, mayor of Athens.
This year it were decide to hold them Olympus games at England, because English athletes can win nearly everything when surrounded by Brittish sentiment with sufficient Police near to see that all rules is broken in a quiet & orderly manner. Before Hon. Games was shot off Hon. Brittish Athletick Committee set together for regulation of events. Following were decide on by dignified majority:
1—English spirit of fair play must be visible everywheres. Hon. Judge must be just to all nations so long as England are ahead.
2—When England are losing Hon. Judge can prevent this by ruling Americans out of race for ungentlemanly conduct.
3—When American athlete are doing some up-jump exercises British publick are warned not to assist him by courteous remarks. When compelled to speak they will be permitted to say “Boo!” “Obtain a horse!” or other wits of local flavour.
4—Since Hon. America has got a rawcuss voice several disputes is bound to occur. So long as such fights is Parlamentry & corteous, we do not objeck to it. Therefore we snuggest following form of debate for all disputes:
Hon. American Committee—Why you dishqualify American run-man from 400-meater race?
Hon. Brittish Committee—Because he are a fraud of considerable professional trix. Also we suspect he murder his mother in Omaha.
Hon. Am. Com.—When you begin to suspect all them horble crime against that young man?