“What committee in U. S. Senate could endure such Hon. Senator when so related to pompous crown of Italy?” require Japanned Frank.
“Committee on Foreign Relations would be very nice seat for such Senator,” I commute with decorated appearance from eyebrow.
Mr. Editor, I am a shock & grief to see attitudes of this America to them Nobilities caming here in seek for employment. Why for is such high-tariff policy in this free kingdom on them European manufactured goods like automobiles, barons and carved sculptors? America are entirely anxious to become civilized—yet how can she get it without some of them things made in Germany for small price? In France any mechanical working-girl can afford to buy one small Baron on easy installment plan. In Italy they are served as waiters with meals. Americans may collect them in all countries of Europe, but in Custom House of U. S. they are insulted and treated like works of art, because Hon. Jo-uncle Cannon are so chivalrous about Hon. Sugar & Tobacco.
But ah! I know, Mr. Editor. Hashimura Togo are on to some sure wisdom about why them Hon. Nobles is so rare to get in this America when delicious to have! Hon. Trusts do it!! It are one Combination in Restraint of Trade. Day-by-year Hon. Small Dealer is crowdy to wall. How often do Dukes come to America with purpose of marrying some Common People? Never if seldom—except when them Common People is rich as they are common. Who get first pick-out of the Sizzyeni and De Chagrin families when they arrive to Custom House? Do Hon. Employment Bureaus? Do Plumbers & Joiners Union? Do Beneficial Order of Elks?
Reply is, NO! Who do, then? For answer write to Hon. La Folette who will send, by stamp, list of persons who done it, including 97 varieties of wealth.
Hon. Henry Watterson, who is official thinker for Kentucky, say-so that this kingdom is deliciously disgusted about Princes because it are entirely Democratick by vote. Foreign titles give especial loathing to desperate patriots like Hon. Hearst, who say that all Dukes ought to be shot; so he do so, thank you, with foto camera.
During the wedding season in America it are nice trick for Japanese Schoolboy to set in sofa of very gilt hotel and watch something. Pretty soonly it arrive. It is one quiet gentleman of grey finish who make sneak-walk in at tradesman entrance of hotel. He is scarcely to be noticeable except for fact that he wear blue goggles & green beard to appear natural. As he approach to desk of Hon. Clerk there is nervous creaking of furniture where Hon. Reporters is hidden in.
“Name, please, to register it!” say Hon. Clerk with pen.
“John Smith of Nebraska,” remit them stranger with Kansas accent.
“You are a ugly word!” renig that Clerk with teeth. “Nobody in Nebraska have such queer name like John Smith.”