San Francisco, Sept. 24th.
To Editor New York Newspaper who I include to list of wireless friends.
Dearest Sir—One thousands of year previous to now time-date what was heard in America from both ends? Howeling of savages who enjoyed it. What is heard by to-day time? Considerable more howeling, thank you; but it is being did over Columbus, Mr. Editor, Hon. New York Journal telephone. Before discovery of Manhattan by was embarrassed for awfully little quantities of scientifick interest to print. By present time of date Hon. Reporter for them Journal are heartsick to keep 100 years ahead of feetsteps of Science for Sunday edition. Such is vast straddel of Modern Education. If all them Scientifick Fact I read about is truthful, then this world of which we live are getting along too fastly to be good-healthy. If it keep on going at thus rate some day Chicago will explode & be off map.
Science, Mr. Editor, am a very benefital thing when took in moderate doses. It keep Professors from going to Congress, it make murder-by-machinery very pleasant and give Naval Construction Board chanst to insult itself. Yet do Science of such quantity compel persons to be more happier in sweetheart surroundings of home-life? Simple candlelight of our New English ansisters beampt on happy glow-faces of dear family gathered at table-cloth to eat local bean off cob. Do Newport Father & Mother of present to-day felt more entranced setting below 100 horsepower chandelier awaiting, O so vainly, for their female daughter to elope with some Duke of foreign arrival? To disappointed heart, Mr. Editor, Science can’t do nothing despite of electrick fans, all-night elevator and 5-day Cunard to Liverpool. Electrick fans are impossible to drive away Hon. Care, all-night elevator can’t not lift a sorry man out of himself and it ain’t no use to go Liverpool in one 5-days boat if Hon. Trouble have got there first.
In newspaper-press I see about one Professor of Oklahoma University which discover a very surprised Science. He have found how to do it to abolish Old Age by electricity. Following is recipe to do it at home:
1—Choose one ripe old man enjoying decline of years.
2—Take him in very dark room and soak him 24 hours in bath of sulphurick acid.
3—Rub to delicious dryness, simmer him over oil stove & expose to sunstroke, 20 minutes.
4—He is then ready to abolish by electricity. Do this by fastening storage battery to base of brain and increasing dose till 105 centigrades is enjoyed.