5—Old man ought to be pretty active by this space of time. If not he is too spoiled. Try another one.
I am excitable about this recipe, Mr. Editor, because I got one Grandfather residing in Yeddo who is now 97 old and will not keep very longer in that climbate. If I arrive back to dear Japan before he pass off I shall do friendship duty to abolish Grandfather by electricity.
In newspaper press I discover about Sir Olive Lodge, nearly related to Senator Lodge from Boston. Hon. Sir Lodge say-how that disembowled spirits of departed dead-ones is frequently discovered by Science. By evening time, say Hon. Sir Lodge, when intelligent person is setting alone to unrobe by bureau he must be sensitive about knocking. You hear bump-bump on high wall-paper of bedroom? That are not cause by Hon. Johnson, boarder upstairs, dropping shoes to carpet. My nervus sakes! What is? Thump-thump! It is wireless Ghost from Away Off trying to act interesting.
“What require?” you must ask to know from Hon. Ghost.
“I am Napoleon Bonaparte,” say Hon. Ghost by signal-practise. “I require to leave message for Cousin Charley at Washington.”
“What to say to this Hon. Charley?” you dictate for answer.
“Don’t be too dam fierce about Predatory Richness,” say Napoleon Bonaparte to Charley Bonaparte. “Remember us Corsican family got ours by tooking it.”
He is going to say-so some more, but is shut off by Central for them profane swear he said it.
Hon. Edison say-so he is going to make one invention of Spiritualistick Telephone so Americans can talk with dead persons more conveniently. This will be nice subjeck to improve. By present method when persons wishes to correspond with Ghosts, etc., they must go to Medium who require 50c to throw herself into trances and connect you with wrong parties. But when them Spiritualistick Telephones is invent them conversations with graveyards may be got for price 10c sum. On them happy time Japanese Boy can go to any telephone booth and require of lady Operette.
“Hello, thank you! Give me to telephone 3604 Spiritland, please! Yes sir! Hello-it—is Hon. Wm. Shakespeare residing there to talk? Thank you again! Is them you, Mr. Shakespeare? One question to reply for Japanese Boy, please. Who wrote them trajick of Julius Cæsar? Hon. Bernard Shaw?—No?—He improve it, you say? Oh, them ain’t no news! Hon. Shaw know that already. One more reply, please—hello—get from off the wire, please, Mr. Thackeray!—”