“By bombs & bombast,” agitate Nogi.
“Do Hon. Bombs get freedom for persons?” I exemplify.
“Of sure it do!” say Nogi. “If one Revolutional gentleman make step-up to me with hand-clasp full of lit bombs and decry, ‘Give me freedom for Hon. Russia before I excite this dynamite!’ what I reply to them speek? I reply, ‘To be certainly, Mr. Murder. Took all the freedom you require for Hon. Russia and do not worry about returning it.’”
“You are ashamed!” I snub for scorn. “Japanese samurai should not enjoy fear of explosions.”
“I ain’t not afraid of explosions,” he-say. “I am merely modest about loud noises.”
Nogi would make very neat Czar for Russia.
Of recently, Mr. Editor, I hear one Hon. Anarchist speek about them Revolution which is being postponed in Russia. This gentleman is very courageous with whiskers which he wear in all directions. He say following statistick about Hon. Bomb:
“Something are wrong about them Hon. Bombs made in St. Petersburg. They don’t never explode when requested to do so. Hon. Bombs made in Japan is more better for assassinations, because they is very faithful about going off.” This from Hon. Anarchist.
Them truth about Hon. Bombs, Mr. Editor, is difference between all-every-thing did by Russia & Japan. Japanese persons make war; it go off, thank you. Russian persons make war; it sizzle out by oratory. Hon. Bomb of Japan is very energetick & dutiful; Hon. Bomb of Russia is full of free-love policies, vodka, Gorky, shoe-buttons & face-powder. When requested to go off it hesitate with insulting splutters, make deceptive pretence of going to sleep; and when, of finally, it do explode, it enjoy that eruption in vest-pocket of Hon. Nihilinsky, who is waiting on steps of Sts. Peter & Paul to salute Little Father.
Russian Revolution is entirely like that way. Nothing Russian goes off on time. Even their boots is difficult to remove promptly and with their hair it is impossible to do so. Some wise Revolutionals say, “What Russia need is one good program.” So fudge to think! Genius of Russia people is all-time making delicious programs which is forgotten, thank you, before Hon. Duma gets a chance to talk about something else. Russia has greatest statesmen and poorest politicians of all-world.