So I picks up my bundle, and takes ... for a walking stick, and streaks it off for Cranktown depot as fast as ... could carry me. I got there half an hour before the cars did, and as I was as hungry as ..., thinks I I’ll treat myself; so I went into ..., and bought ..., and ..., and washed ’em down with.... Pretty soon the cars came scooting along, and I got aboard and settled myself down on ...; and the way we rattled off towards New York wasn’t particularly slow, I tell you.
We flew like ..., and I got a squint at lots of wonderful things, but couldn’t stop to examine them. There was ... with ... perched right on one corner of it; and a great stone house, that had a roof that looked something like ... upside down; and another monstrous big house, with hundreds of windows, that had ... standing all alone out-doors. And I saw ... cutting grass with ...; and ... sawing wood with ...; and a big redheaded woman licking ... right out in the yard; and some youngsters driving ... that was tackled into ...; and a dog with ... tied to his tail; and lots of other curious sights, too numerous to mention.
By-and-by I happened to look up, and there was a dandified little fellow in the car, about as big round as ..., and with ... on his lip, who had a quizzing glass up to his eye, and was staring right at me, just as though I was.... Thinks I to myself, what’s sauce for ..., is sauce for.... So I out with an old rusty key that I found one day in the stomach of ..., and putting the round part up to my eye, I began to quiz the little dandy through it. He looked as cross as ..., but I didn’t care, so I puckered up my face as solemn as ..., and stared as hard as I could.
Well, pretty soon the folks around begun to get wind of the fun, and looked as smiling as.... One fat man, who sat opposite, holding in one hand ..., and in the other ..., snickered right out, and quieted himself by taking ...; and a young woman who had ... in her arms, which she was trying to get to sleep, laughed so that she had to stuff ... into her mouth. The little dandy now looked as savage as ..., and pretty soon he got up and strutted off like ... into another car; and then I put my quizzing glass away, laid back in my seat, and took a good snooze, with ... for a pillow.
I don’t remember how long I slept, but I expect I had a pretty considerable nap, for I didn’t wake up for ever so long, and I shouldn’t then, only ... came along, with ... on his back, which he poked in my face. I jumped up, and was going to give him ..., but he said it was ..., and he didn’t mean to, and he asked my pardon as polite as.... So I told him there was no harm done, and we’d let it pass for....
Well, we kept on travelling like ..., and towards night we got to New York. I knew we were there, because the houses got to be as thick as ..., and the folks were thicker still. Pretty soon the cars stopped, and all hands rushed out helter skelter, like ... after the enemy; and such a scrabbling, and yelling, and grabbing and punching as there was, I guess you never did see. One great two-fisted fellow, with ... on his back, ran into me like ..., and almost knocked me into.... An old woman who wore ..., and who had for baggage ... and ..., besides ... in her hand, threatened to call the police, because I offered to help carry her traps. A little dirty-faced boy, with ... in the leg of his trousers, had ... that he wanted to sell, but I told him I couldn’t trade. Then he wanted to know how I’d swap, and said he’d trade for ..., or ..., or.... I thought he was poking fun at me, and so I walked off; but as I turned to go, I thought I heard him say something about....
Just then some music struck up in a corner of the depot, that sounded for all the world like ... giving a concert, and I went to see what it was. There was a man whose face was all covered with hair, singing, and playing on.... There was a boy, too, who was playing on something that sounded like.... They gave us ..., and then they struck up ..., and then the boy passed round his cap for a contribution. One man put in ...; another dropped in ...; and a rogue of a boy threw in something that looked like....
Well, about that time I looked up, and caught the eye of a well-dressed gentleman with ..., who was standing close by. His head was as smooth and slick as ..., and he looked as nice as though he were just out of.... He was in mourning, for he had ... on his hat, and appeared dreadful solemn. Says he, “My friend,” says he, taking me aside, “I suppose you wish to find ... of the right sort. I suppose you’ve heard,” says he, “about the rascally tricks that are played off here upon strangers; but you’ve no idea how many sharpers always stand ready to fleece.... Why,” says he, “there are three or four of the rascals watching you, in that crowd, like so many cats lying in wait for ..., and that’s the reason I took you aside. If you want a good cosy home,” says he, “where you will be out of the reach of these sharks, and where you can have anything you call for, from ... to ... or ..., just come along with me to my boarding-house. You see,” says he, “I aint exactly ..., but I go about trying to do what little good I can in my own humble way,” says he; and then he spouted off some poetry, but I can’t remember but one verse. It was something like this:
“A little word in kindness spoken,
A motion, or ...,