Has often healed the heart that’s broken,
And made....”
Says I, as soon as I could get a word in edgewise, “You’re just the man I want to see,” says I; “but I hope they don’t charge too much down to your boarding-house, for you see I haven’t got but just ... in my pocket, and I sha’n’t have anything more till I earn it,” says I. Says he, “Oh don’t say anything more about that,” says he; “such sordid thoughts are enough to curdle.... Come along, and you’ll be provided for till you can do better,” says he.
So we walked along together, and he talked like a book about.... He spoke about ... crushing his heart, and said the world had lost all its charms to him, and ... had extinguished the light of his life. He didn’t say exactly what the matter was, but I thought he’d lost some of his relations, or.... I asked him where he preached, for I concluded he must be a minister; but he said he enjoyed such poor health, that he had to give up his parish. He said he was troubled with ..., and his stomach was so weak that he often had to dine on ... and.... He said he was also afflicted with ... in his head, and had great trouble from ... that had settled on his lungs.
Well, we chatted together just like ..., until we came to his boarding-house. It was a pretty stylish place, I tell you, and I began to think a fellow ought to have ..., to afford to live there. He took me into a nice little room, all cool and shady. There was a picture of ... on the wall, and an image of ... sitting on the mantel-piece, just as natural as life. I sat down on ..., and the man went to the closet, and I heard him pouring something from a bottle. Pretty soon he brought out on ... two glasses of something that looked real good. Says he, “A man ought to wet his mouth,” says he, “after riding all day on ..., especially when the weather’s as hot as ’tis to-day. But as a friend to you,” says he, “I can’t advise you to drink much of our water, at first—you know it might not agree with you—it sometimes acts as ... in the stomach of.... It’s splendid water,” says he; “we Yorkers wouldn’t take ... for it, and I prefer it to anything the art of man ever concocted; but then you’ve got to get used to it gradually, you know. Now,” says he, “just taste of this—it’s some of our temperance cordial, made out of the pure nectar of.... We’re all temperance folks here,” says he,—“never have anything in the house stronger than....”
So he took one glass, and drank it down, and I emptied the other pretty quick, I tell you, for I was as dry as.... Then he went down stairs, to order supper, and I took up a book that was full of splendid pictures, and began to look at them. There was a view of ... fighting with ..., and a picture of ... holding ..., and a likeness of ..., and a portrait of ..., and a picture of ..., and another of ... perched on the top of ..., whistling Hail Columbia to all the world.
But pretty soon I begun to feel sort of queer. First I felt ... creeping over my head, like.... Then it seemed as though there were ... squirming about in my brain. Then I began to feel queer down in my stomach. I thought I’d swallowed ..., and ..., which rattled so every time I stirred, that I couldn’t go to sleep. My legs, too, didn’t seem right—I thought I’d been changed into.... I did get to sleep, though, after awhile, and then such a dream as I had! I dreamt that the table was spread for supper, and covered with everything you could think of. There was ..., smoking hot ...; and ..., big enough for a whole board of aldermen; and ..., with all the fixin’s; and ..., that made my mouth water; and ..., raw; and ..., of the tallest kind; and ..., such as we used to have at grand-ma’am’s; and ..., fried brown and crispy. But I can’t remember now half the good things there were on the table.
Well, as true as I’m a live man, I didn’t wake up again till the clock struck ... the next morning. I was sort of confused, you know, for I couldn’t find my hat and coat, nor my bundle of clean clothes, and instead of my new boots, I had on the remnants of ..., all split out at the sides. Pretty soon a fellow, who was dressed something like ..., stuck his head in the door. “Hullo, friend,” says I, “can you tell me where the minister is?” “The what?” says he, looking as puzzled as though ... had got half way into his head, and then stuck fast. Says I, “The minister—that city missionary that boards here, and has got ...; I come along from the cars with him last night,” says I. That made the fellow laugh right out, and his eyes shined like ... in a dark night. But pretty soon he cooled off a little, and put ... into his mouth; and then he sat down on ..., and said he was ..., and asked me to tell him all about my adventures in New York. So I told him the whole story, but I tell you I trembled all over, and my muscles felt as flabby as ..., for you know I began to think I’d got into ..., of some sort or other; and ... began to come over me, I tell you.
Well, the man sat just as cool as ..., and heard it all, and then says he, looking me right in the eye, says he, “Coddle, you’re green—dreadful green. You’ve fallen among thieves, like ..., and got thoroughly cleaned out,” says he. I began to shake like.... Says he, “Your ‘city missionary’ was one of those very sharpers that he cautioned you against—the smooth-tongued villain! He decoyed you into his den, and got you as drunk as ...,” says he; but that wasn’t true, I’d have you to know, for I didn’t drink a drop of anything but the temperance cordial. “Well,” says the man, “after you was drunk enough, he robbed you of your money and clothes, and then chucked you into ..., for the police to take care of; and here you are in the police station, arrested for drunkenness,” says he.
When I heard that, I declare it was just as if ... had hit me right over the head. “O, dear me,” says I, “what shall I do?” and I burst right out into ..., for you know the poison stuff made me as weak as ...; and besides, I had ... in my head, that almost drove me crazy. Well, the policeman said in the first place I must have something to eat; so he went out and got me ... and.... Then, as my coat and hat were gone, he hunted up for me ... and ..., to take their place. My trousers were badly torn, too, and he got me ... to mend ’em. So, after I’d got fixed up a little, I went out with him to see if I could find the house where I stopped. But I had ..., and was weak in the joints, and couldn’t walk very well. So, after trotting round half an hour, with ... beating on our heads, he said I’d better go to the depot, and take the first train for home. I told him I hadn’t got anything in my pocket but ... and ..., to pay the fare. He said he’d fix that. So he went with me to the depot, and got a free ticket, which he gave me, with ...; and the way I left that city wasn’t slow, I tell you. And as soon as ever I came in sight of father’s piggery and cow-sheds, and saw ... bobbing round among the cows, and Asa coming down the road with ... for the pigs, and heard Touser barking ... up a tree, and thought of the hour when ma’am gave me ..., I declare I burst right out into “Home, sweet home,” my heart was so full.