On the opening of the door by the servant, a man asks of him whether the hostess or "the ladies" are at home. This will depend on the number of the members of the family receiving. He gives to the domestic the proper number of cards. The servant precedes him, opens the drawing-room door for him, and in some ultra English houses he is announced. His card or cards have been deposited on the silver tray which the servant has presented to him in the hall and left there. A visiting card is never brought into the drawing room. A man on a first or a formal call carries his stick and hat into the drawing room with him. To "hang his hat" in the hall shows great intimacy—even relationship—in the house. He, however, should leave there his overcoat and his rubbers and umbrella. His hostess will advance to meet him, and will extend to him her right hand with a somewhat stiff angular motion, and he should shake it with a quick nervous movement of his right. He should neither grasp nor squeeze her hand, nor should he attempt that absurd so-called British shake in the air, which is never practiced except by player folk. A man removes his glove from his right hand on entering the drawing room, and holds this with his stick and hat in his left. The hat should be at an angle, the top about level with his nose. At weddings, the opera, and dances, where a woman is gloved, a man, if it is required to shake hands, does not remove his gloves. On ordinary occasions a woman is seldom gloved in her own drawing room, and if she is, handshaking is not usually expected. Should the hostess be gloved, as at a large affair, such as a formal or wedding reception, a man shakes hands with her with them on.
Tea is generally served in the afternoon on a tray with wafers, little cakes, and sometimes sandwiches. If you take a sandwich or a cup of tea, a doylie will be given you, which place upon your knee. When another caller enters the room stand up, whether it is a woman or a man. Ten minutes is all that is necessary for a formal call. It is less awkward to leave when a new caller is announced. Shake hands with your hostess and bow to the people present. Leave the room sideways, so as not to turn your back upon the company, and bow to them as you reach the door, thus bowing yourself out. Remember, do not be a lingerer or a sitter. No men are more dreaded in society than these wretched bores. The first arrivals leave first. Freezing out is not known in good society.
Calls should be made after every civility extended and every invitation accepted or regretted; after weddings, wedding receptions, deaths in families, etc., as fully explained in the chapter on card-leaving.
A letter of introduction is always sent, never left in person. Calls at the theater or in opera boxes are mere social amenities, and are not accepted as formal. A man enters an opera box, stands, and bows. His hostess will turn around and greet him. He will then, if there is a vacant chair, take one, and sit and talk a little while, leaving on the arrival of another caller. These rules for afternoon calls can be applied also to those made in the evening.
If no day is set for a first call, a man is expected to drop in any afternoon within ten days after the invitation. The sooner a call is made the greater the compliment. A second call may be made within two or three months; after that once or twice a year, as intimacy permits. A man is never asked to dinner or to any function at a house at which he has not first called. The usual form of a dinner invitation, the hostess being married, reads:
My dear Mr. Smith:
Will you dine with us, most informally, on Wednesday, December the ninth, at eight o'clock? Hoping that you have no engagement for that evening, believe me,
Yours very sincerely,
Alice de Tompkins.
November thirtieth.
An answer to an invitation like this, which should be sent within twenty-four hours, reads:
My dear Mrs. de Tompkins:
It will give me great pleasure to dine with you on Wednesday evening, December the ninth, at eight o'clock. With many thanks for your kind thought of me,
Yours very sincerely,
Algernon Smith.
December first.
Or, in the case of a formal dinner consisting of more than ten or twelve guests:
Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins
request the pleasure of
Mr. Smith's
company at dinner on
Wednesday evening, December
the ninth, at eight o'clock.