These observations are, of course, very general, but the average American to-day is at home in Europe. He should only remember the old adage to do in Rome as the Romans do, and he will not be much embarrassed by foreign customs and habits.
CHAPTER XVIII.
THE ENGAGED BACHELOR.
The etiquette of engagements is simple. There are no rules as to how a man should ask a woman to be his wife.
A man is not at liberty to announce his engagement until his fiancée gives him permission to do so. It is her family who have the right to know first of the existence of an engagement. Very few engagements are entered into so hurriedly as not to be anticipated in a way by the members of the young woman's household. However, the first step to be taken is the announcement by the fiancée to her mother, her father, or her proper guardian of the existing circumstances. Sometimes this is done in a most informal way by both parties. The day after the engagement has thus been announced it is good form for the man to have a private talk with the young woman's parents or guardian. In America we are supposed to be above the discussion of marriage settlements. A man should never ask a woman to marry him unless he has the wherewithal to support her in the manner in which she has been accustomed to live. An inquiry into the state of the proposed son-in-law's finances is perfectly proper and should not be taken amiss. Engagements are announced to other members of the family than those of the household by informal notes when it is decided it should be made public. Relatives and intimate friends should be apprised of it before one's general acquaintances. In these days of "society news" the general announcement is frequently made through the medium of the newspapers. It can also be made verbally.
During the engagement it is expected that a man's relatives and friends should pay the prospective bride as much attention as possible. They should call on her and felicitate her as soon as they have been informed of the affair. A pretty compliment for a male member of the man's family or one of his intimates is to send flowers to the new fiancée. Engagements should never be announced unless the wedding day is fixed approximately. Avoid long engagements.
The engagement ring is a solitaire diamond, but one with two smaller diamonds is appropriate. This will depend upon the income of the swain. Rings with colored stones, however, are not in vogue for engagements.
During the engagement the betrothed couple should be seen as much as possible in each other's society. Neither should appear at large entertainments to which the other has not been asked. Little attentions are expected. A man should send from time to time, according to the state of his finances, flowers, sweets, or other tokens. A sensible girl will not approve of costly gifts if you can not afford them. A very acceptable token would be a bunch of violets or American beauty roses sent from a fashionable florist.