If these complaints are looked upon as true facts one would really think that the young man was unlucky. But as a matter of fact he himself lays the foundation for his lack of luck, he alone spreads the bed in which he is to lie. He is a Don Juan who carries on flawlessly the first part of his adventures; it is only when he tries to bring the adventures to a head that his luck fails him and then the expected conquest turns into a deception.[21]
It appears that he has actually brought many of his adventures to a crisis only to withdraw at the supreme moment on the score of some triviality or other. These occurrences are all alike except that the alleged motives for breaking up the adventure differ in every case. Perhaps it will be best to mention his last adventure as an example, for it is particularly typical:
It was Sunday. Xaver felt again very lonely and neglected and went out looking for a girl. An old friend whom he was to meet at a certain place he neglected to look up. Today he must succeed. He is tired of loneliness and neglect. Today he will get a girl. He makes a few attempts but in each case he finds the girl expects pay and that does not suit him. Finally he sees passing by a fine, sinewy, supple figure. He hurries after it—she is an elegant, attractive woman. He speaks up, telling her in one breath that she must not be angry, his intentions are “entirely honorable.” He merely feels lonely and would like to spend the evening in pleasant company. The woman is not prudish, she permits him to accompany her and confesses that she, too, is lonely and feels terribly depressed. He now worries because he promised her “an honorable acquaintance” and during the walk tries to make up his mind whether he ought not to change his tactics. It begins to rain. They enter a Café where they listen to some music; then they go to a restaurant for dinner. He shows himself very gallant, pays all expenses and conducts her home. The woman tells him she has a telephone, as she conducts a little business and suggests that he may call her up. They agree to meet the following Sunday and spend their time together. During the week he plans a line of attack and decides to put an end to his shyness and come with her to the real object.... He calls her up, they decide to go to the Opera together and then to a late supper. On Sunday forenoon he purchases the tickets and intends to put them at her disposal. Suddenly the thought strikes him, he ought to give up the relationship. He sends the spare ticket to a friend and telephones the woman that some of his relatives having arrived unexpectedly he cannot go to the Opera. Afterwards he is unhappy over it, etc.
The friend was otherwise engaged, he remained alone, the ticket was wasted. He worried considerably over the matter and returned home feeling sad. When I pointed out to him next day that he really fled from the girl, he shook his head and said his sister was really responsible because “I told her everything and asked her what I should do. Sister said: ‘she is pulling your leg, it will cost you money and nothing will come of it.’”
“Do you tell your sister these things?”
“Certainly. We speak very frankly about all sexual matters. Sister has started the custom and I find it natural. Why should I not advise with sister?”
I explain to him that he expected her to turn him against the adventure, that he was really afraid of the relationship and its possible consequences. I show that the friend was more to him than the woman and that the sending of the ticket to him meant: my friend is more important to me than a woman!
I have occasion to prove again and again that he paves the way for his failures very adroitly and sometimes tactlessly because while acting the role of a “lively” man he wants at the same time to preserve his inner attitude. The initial stage of conquest satisfies him and thereafter he voluntarily renounces to its consummation.
That he vehemently denies,—he knows absolutely nothing about any homosexual leaning! He declares he would be right if he could only have the right kind of a love affair. He is continually looking for it. It was really unbelievable to hear how many adventures he was able to start in the course of a week. He was a handsome interesting man and found no trouble conquering women’s hearts. But he always managed affairs so as to break them up before they went too far. At the last moment he always thought of something or other which prevented consummation of the adventure.
This was shown typically one New Year’s day. A woman from a distance, with whom he was in correspondence—they had also exchanged their photographs—invited herself for that evening. He was to meet her at the train and they were to celebrate the New Year’s together. He went to the station but missed her because he “waited at the wrong place.” Next day he succeeded in tracing her. Naturally she was angry by that time; then, thinking to make up with her he proposed on the spot to take the woman to a hotel with him. Naturally she resented the insult and made him scurry out of her presence. He had provoked this precipitate dismissal by his sudden proposal. He managed things so that every promising victory turned into a defeat in the end.