I am now giving this life history as it was presented to me in writing, following it up with the dream report.
The Story of My Illness and My Biography
I lived in the parental home up to my 4th year and then I was taken in charge by my mother’s people. My father’s business compelled him to be away from home for months, sometimes for a whole year at a stretch. My grandparents brought me up with much tenderness, and as they were very religious, my education was also based on piety. They lived in a very prettily situated village, an old, lovely resort place. The river flowing nearby was naturally the meeting place for us children. On account of the danger of drowning I was an object of great concern to my grandparents, so that they tried to keep me close to them as much as possible. I went with them to church daily, visited with them, usually at the homes of elderly people where the conversation was almost exclusively about religious matters, and on every occasion it was drilled into me under the most terrible threats and admonitions to pray and be good.
I heard numerous stories of deeds and miracles attributed to the Holy Mother and I was shown the places where some of these took place in the neighborhood.
Then I returned to mother. Soon afterwards I went to school. Sister taught me the primer and soon I was able to go through my favorite book, an old large copy of the Bible, whereas formerly I depended on questioning others.
Frequently I gave up all games preferring to sit in a corner poring over my Bible. It is customary in the country to undergo a public examination in the church every half year. My sister two and one half years older than I prepared herself for that event for some time because she did not learn easily. I followed her study carefully and was able to recite everything as well as she.
The examination came up at the church and no one could answer a certain question. But I knew the answer, because it was part of sister’s lesson, made signs, the vicar asked me and I surprised everybody by giving the correct answer. It was the prayer, “Our Father.” My folks admired me for it, gave me presents and said: “Boy, you will grow up to be a fine man.” This praise touched me very deeply.
I was about seven and a half when a girl of twelve induced me to join her in forbidden games, we played with each other’s genitals, etc. This occurred very often. I liked it very much and the experience became deeply imprinted on my mind. Then I felt a strong desire to repeat the same games with other girls. My mother’s sister visited us about a year later and while she caressed me she roused in me a new feeling and I could hardly refrain myself from asking her to play with me the games that the first girl had taught me.
Beginning with the third year of school we had a new teacher. He took notice of me early because I was a good scholar and soon I became one of his favorite pupils. This teacher had the horrible habit of calling me to his desk where he held me by the member until it became stiff, while talking to me. I wondered a great deal what it meant; but I did not dare mention it to any one.
At the end of that school year we removed to Vienna permanently. I was tremendously homesick for the old place; the coolness and indifference of the new surroundings at Vienna affected me and secretly I resolved that I would rather starve than stay there. I was threatened that I would not be allowed to visit the old home if I did not make progress and I would be sent to a sanitarium; the last threat in particular scared me especially as I was shown some (false) papers to indicate that the first steps had already been taken to have me interned. That and the perpetual anxiety at school where we had a queer teacher who mistreated horribly the pupils (and I did not know a word of German at the time), had a serious effect upon me; my physical condition was impaired, I grew thin and lived in a sort of dream state. During my solitude I often sought relief in tears.