One episode in our subject’s life might have led him to overt homosexuality: his experience with the teacher,—the more so as it took place openly. But what amounts to an inciting factor in one case may act as a deterrent in another. Every influence may assert itself either on the negative or positive side. Childhood dreams as carried out by adults, may generate either a gerontophilia, or a similar inclination towards children, depending on whether the subject assumes the role of the adult or of the younger person. Fixation on the mother may drive a man entirely to homosexuality as I have clearly learned through the history of a certain case. The homosexuals frequently have a morbid mother, a woman who suffers of depression and is unwise in her actions. Unfortunately my observations indicate that the fancies are generated by parents as often as they are incited by guilty servants and that such occurrences are far from rare.
In the case under consideration the experience with the teacher and the latter’s revolting openness about it acted as an inhibition to homosexuality. The thought, “You may get to be like that teacher,” acted as a deterrent against the outbreak of a so-called genuine homosexuality, though all conditions were otherwise favorable. Even the characteristic dislike of women was there as well as the incestuous fixation upon the female members of the family.
And although much of his sexual life was perfectly clear to this subject’s mind, including things which to others appear only in the dim light of day dreaming or upon the lowered state of threshold consciousness, there was one thing about which he was entirely ignorant: his true attitude towards, and relationship to, his father. He was continually more irritated with his father and avoided to be alone with him because he knew how easily they break into a quarrel and how misunderstanding would arise between them on the slightest provocation. This hypersensitiveness in his relations with his father, shows that there were feelings at work over which he was not master. What he demanded and expected of his father I have already indicated. He wanted to be treated by him as he had been treated by his teacher. In the course of the analysis he also had a dream during which I was the one assuming that role. He is homosexually fixed on his father and heterosexually fixed upon the female members of his family.
It is interesting to see that the homosexual inclination, despite all childhood experiences, is repressed and masked under the feeling of disgust. We understand in this light the meaning of the gastric pains. He thinks only of women and is a typical instance of a would-be Don Juan. He begins numerous adventures but always meets difficulties. That is, he starts relations which from the beginning present these difficulties and in that way there is no danger for him. If the difficulties (symbol of the unattainable, that is of the incestuous goal) are overcome, the attraction disappears or else his protective defence comes to his aid: the gastric attacks. He goes so far as to take a girl to a room but at the last moment he can do nothing on account of his gastric pain. The nausea is a sign of disgust. It is brought about by the homosexual tendency pressing forward as much as by the subject’s inhibition against heterosexual relationship. At the most critical time before meeting the girl he is restless, and a voice within seems to say to him: “you do not really want this woman, you want a man, like that teacher, or that friend of yours!” As a protection against these homosexual notions his nausea comes up and this also acts as a defence against women. For woman, as such, he feels no dislike, he is able to have intercourse with prostitutes, without aversion. But homosexual acts are repulsive to him. Thus he remains hanging midway between homosexuality and heterosexuality. On account of his religious scruples both pathways are closed to him and the result is—his ascetic behavior at the end.
His asceticism is back of the rudimentary Don Juan role which he plays but cannot carry out in accordance with his instinctive promptings on account of his inhibitions. One step nearer and we have the Don Juan of day-dreams and ascetic in fact,—if the adventures with women are not even begun. A step further advanced is represented by the complete repression of all sexual inclinations. We may define the ascete as a person who remains in the narcissistic stage of fixation because both paths of allerotism (that is, homo-, and heterosexuality) are equally closed to him. An exclusive monosexual goal is incapable of rousing the instinctive excitation necessary for carrying out a sexual act, because the religious scruples are oppressive. His perennially unattainable ideal is a bisexual being, he longs for a passion so strong that it should be capable of overcoming all obstacles. His asceticism is not voluntary, but a state induced by his sexual constellation.
Our subject has found his sexual ideal in the dream world. That is a sister who has a phallus. He, the valiant warrior, struggles against his instinctive promptings and masturbates. This act acquires in his conscious mind, as pollution, the character of an involuntary act, an accidental occurrence which cannot be helped, thus being robbed of its significance.
Freud points out rightly that the psychologist is particularly interested in cases showing a late development of homosexuality,—a condition which Krafft-Ebing has described as “tardive” or Late Homosexuality. In such cases homosexuality develops after a period of hetero-, or bisexuality. We will describe a number of cases of late homosexuality elsewhere and then we shall also attempt to trace the reasons for the occurrence.
The next case also represents a transitional stage showing us a woman in the throes of a struggle between the two tendencies. We have here a rudimentary, a would-be Messalina, an interesting female counterpart to the case described above.
Miss Wanda K. complains of an unfortunate split in her mental make-up which prevents her from enjoying life as she should. She suffers of strong and uncontrollable vomiting but the trouble arises only when she is about to keep an appointment. She holds the most liberal views that “a modern girl can and should have.” She meets gladly men who interest her and even those who rouse her sexually. She knows she will never marry. She is 29 years old and although still very pretty and attractive,—how long will this last? She wants to enjoy life, she would not care to die without having tasted the supreme gift and prize of life, love. But she has a “delicate” stomach which interferes at the most critical moment. Here is an example:
“Last Sunday I was to take an excursion with a gentleman whom I met in an unconventional way. I am not at all prudish and do not mind being spoken to on the street. As I walk downtown often I think to myself: will someone talk to me this time? I try to attract attention, just a little, and return home disappointed if no one notices me. A few weeks ago a very elegant elderly gentleman addressed me on such an occasion. He is a very intellectual man, which is the chief consideration with me. I like intercourse only with intellectual persons. Persons lacking culture are a trial to me. We entertained ourselves very pleasantly and since then we meet daily. When the store where I am employed closes at the end of the day, I find him already waiting for me at the street corner. Then we go for a walk and we talk about all sorts of things. He has never dared yet mention anything erotic in our conversation. I have no reason, therefore, to fear him. Nevertheless I am watching and waiting eagerly for the opportunity to show him that I am a modern girl, unafraid of anything when she finds a man sympathetic and to her liking, if he should ever begin. I do not expect anything more. One cannot fall in love all of a sudden! Now, we promise ourselves an excursion around Vienna for Sunday. Saturday I feel very excited, and I picture to myself how he is going to bring up sexual matters, how he will kiss me in the woods, I already plan what I shall say to him, how I will resist him, just a little, and finally give in. You will excuse me. It is high time that I quit being an old maid. Is that not a pity, at twenty-nine? At the office where I am employed all the girls have a sweetheart and some have several at once. That keeps going through my mind. I am very excited and I even whistle a tune. But at the evening meal I am unable to swallow a morsel of foods. My stomach seems shut tight. Nothing will go down. I hope it will be over in the morning. I get up early, put on my excursion suit and want to have my breakfast. I struggle with nausea, try to eat some breakfast, only to vomit promptly every particle of the food. Then the terrible nausea continues and keeps up so that I must stay home while the gentleman waits in vain for me at the appointed spot. Naturally when this happens a second time he drops me ... unfortunately it ends just that way every time.”