“Already as a small boy I had felt the greatest interest in the water closet. My wish was always: to see another man in the act of defecating. In my school fancies I always thought of the teacher being compelled to defecate in my presence. I was always trying to watch other men in the act. If I succeeded in witnessing the act I became very excited and masturbated. My whole mind and thought to this day revolves around the water closet and the feces. Think of it! I, a person with certain æsthetic tastes, an artist, poet, enthusiastic musician, a man aspiring to all that is beautiful and noble,—to be fettered down to so horrible a perversion! Think of this abyss between my body and my soul! If I become acquainted with a new man and I like him, my first thought is: I should like to see him empty his bowels.”[[37]]
“Have you perhaps, as a child, witnessed such a scene which may have made a deep impression on you?”
“I do not remember. I only know that already in the primary grades I was interested in watching my schoolmates. In Denmark there is a greater freedom about these matters than elsewhere. Sexual freedom, too, seems to me to be greater in our country. In later years I found sufficient opportunity to satisfy my craving. Finally I had recourse to a tiny augur which I keep always with me as an aid to secure the opportunities for observation which have now become indispensable to me. But usually I find boring holes unnecessary. Little appropriate convenient holes may be found when one looks for them. I must have many colleagues for I have found that most closets show these observation spots. Here in Vienna, too, I have seldom come across a water closet, where it was not possible to watch the act. I fight with all my powers against this unfortunate trend. But I give in each time again. I think of it all forenoon. By noontime I am wholly out of patience. I am impelled to seek a public lavatory. There I wait till a man comes along. When I see him defecate, I masturbate....”
“Have you watched women, too?”
“No, I find women disgusting when I think of them in this situation.”
We are here confronted with a form of anal erotism of a pronounced infantile character. All children without exception show a great interest in the lavatory and in the processes of micturition and defecation. These processes form the theme of a whole group of infantile sexual theories. The children come through the anus, they are generated through the urine, etc. It is quite likely that we have here an instance of the fixation of certain infantile impressions. The fact that the first phantasies which he is able to recall revolve around his teacher, proves that someone who was an authority played a rôle as the intermediary for these early infantile impressions. Who can that authority be? We can only surmise. We must await patiently the further development of the analysis.
He complain that he has an ugly appearance, because everything about him is so unprepossessing; his whole physiognomy seems to him womanly, soft, and the obverse of striking. He often turns to the looking-glass and examines himself. As in the picture of Dorian Grey he finds the traces of his paraphilia expressed in his features. He symbolizes his mental processes and localizes them in his face. He fights, a relentless fight against his scatologic phantasies and trends, he seems to himself weak, womanly, repulsive. Vice, low thoughts, animal cravings, low passion—all that he sees expressed in his face.
His first recollection of his paraphilia is noteworthy. He is playing with a little friend, an uncle, who wants to defecate near the street. He points out that people may pass and prevents the deed.... This recollection already indicates the two tendencies: the coprophiliac trend and the struggle against it.
Moreover, his coprophilia reaches farther than he has confessed thus far. We discover today that there is present a predisposition to coprophagia, that the condition is really a mixture of homosexuality and stark infantilism. He would like to allow the partner to defecate on him. Identifications with lavatory come to surface. The place chosen for the deposition of the feces is the abdomen, occasionally the mouth. There are also frequent phantasies of fellatio, active and passive. The reading of various medical and popular books excites his phantasy and feeds his paraphilia.
He relates two dreams. In the first he was running after an electric car which he could not reach. He tried to jump on but in vain, the car just passed before his nose. In the second dream he led his dog for a walk, the dog met another and copulated while he himself ran off. The first dream represents an unattainable ideal. The second illustrates the endeavor to get rid of the animal-like trends (within himself). He avoids similarly coitus with a woman.