He relates that for a long time he has been in the habit of writing up phantastic homosexual orgies and that he carries around these erotic stories for months. The last story he wrote some 14 days ago. He is much interested in these doings, because the writing and the reading excite him tremendously. He tells me the content of the last phantasy which he has written up: A round table of sixteen soldiers. One of them holds a naked woman on his knees. She must urinate in a glass. The soldier pours beer in that glass. Then all those present partake of the beer.[[38]]
He confesses next that he has already carried out a number of times various urolagnic acts and felt great pleasure doing so. In fact these cravings did not bother him only so long as the friend visited him daily and he was keeping up his spiritual love for the fellow. That is why he was so broken up when his mother deprived him of that friend.
He relates a number of episodes illustrating his activity as voyeur. At first it was chiefly men of advanced age who roused him. They had to have very clean and attractive linen. Ejaculation ensued when he had an opportunity to see the man naked and the phallus interested him more than the podex.
He also admits having entertained phantasies about his father. But he found these phantasies unbearable and they proved at last so discomforting that he had to abandon them. On the other hand he was able to state emphatically that his mother never figured as an erotic object in his fancies.
As a genuine homosexual he was very much surprised that a “naked woman” should figure in his last phantasy or story and he could not explain the intrusion. But he is telling me everything without reserve....
He fears that perhaps his mother is having some understanding with me. She is in the habit of tracing all his secrets.... I point out to him the fact that the mothers of homosexuals always show the strongest opposition against the analysis when they find out that their sons free themselves and turn their affection (temporarily, of course) to the analyst. Sigma’s mother, who has accompanied him to Vienna, also tolerates no intimate friendship on her son’s part, as we know. Thus he tells me that she had reproached him yesterday for leaving her alone on Sunday. She wants to be everything to him. She also tries to be tender with him, to coddle him, a habit which he strongly resents. He believes that this resentment is due to his aversion against all womanhood. This sort of protection against all tendernesses on mother’s part is typical of all sons who are incestuously fixed on their mother.
He relates how his mother once confessed to him that she found no support in his father and actually felt lonely. On that occasion he wept over his mother’s plight and passed a sleepless night.... His further associations lead him to his father’s fatal illness: it was a slow breaking down due to cancer. He could not take care of his father, and was but of little service to the latter. It was shortly after his father had dismissed his friend. He was still too absorbed in his own troubles. He witnessed with detachment the terrible phases of the dying man’s last struggle. A few days before the end he dreamed that he saw his father’s body lying peacefully on the bier. It was plainly a dream of impatience. He could hardly await his father’s passing away. He declares that he hated his father heartily at the time, because the latter had allowed himself to be induced by the mother to write that letter to his friend. Strangely, he was never so angry with his determined mother as he was with his weak-willed father. During the father’s funeral and upon returning home he was unable to weep. This occurrence is typical of those men for whom a death is the fulfillment of an old wish. In point of fact the father was a burden and drag in the house. The mother sacrificed herself and his death was a release for everybody. Moreover his attitude towards his father had always been rather peculiar. They had never had much in common....
He reports a number of small details illustrating how tirelessly his mother endeavors to bind him to herself. Yesterday afternoon he was at the theater and later went to the Prater. In the evening he found his mother morose and pouting. She looked at him reproachfully saying: “Did it not occur to you during your rounds of pleasure that you are leaving your poor mother alone?”
He must think only of his mother and always feel that he is bound to her forever. Aunts and neighbors always come to him to tell him how much suffering he causes his poor mother by neglecting her. While he was still suffering acutely the distress caused by his mother’s breaking up his friendship with Ernst, he met the latter once secretly and they went to a theater together. The mother knew it in some way and when he returned home he found her in bed, her head wrapped in towels. Her disappointment made her ill and she had to keep to her bed for a week. Finally an aunt accused him of behaving like a murderer towards his mother. She cannot understand that passion of his for that friend! Was he perhaps in love with the young man’s sister? Happy to have a way out of his difficulty suggested to him he answered the question in the affirmative. That roused his mother’s jealousy to the highest pitch. But she soon convinced herself that she had been fooled by him and that he had no interest whatever in the girl.
He found the household ties so unbearable that at one time he entertained the notion of shooting his parents and running off. There were frequent quarrels during which he displayed unexpectedly a terrible venom against his mother and an unexplainable tendency to violence. But these episodes soon blew over, and he again felt himself helpless under the tyrannic sway of her love. Perhaps not as unwillingly as he makes out ... for there were opportunities available for freeing himself and he did not take advantage of them. He remained inactively at home, to be taken care of and to allow his mother to worry over him....