Forty Years in the Wilderness of Pills and Powders / Cogitations and Confessions of an Aged Physician

by William A. Alcott

Miss L. appeared to be in utter ignorance of any laws of the skin, or of the digestive or muscular systems. And yet her thoughts had been turned, often and frequently, to her own feelings and sensations. She would talk, almost incessantly, if anybody would hear her, about her aches and pains, and could describe her whole train of feelings, from morning to evening, with a faithfulness and patience and minuteness that would have furnished a genius less than Defoe with material sufficient for quite a huge volume.

Now I could have visited and counselled Miss L., at least once a week, with great profit to herself, had she been as intelligent, in general, as she was familiar with her own sensations. As things were, her confidence was rather more troublesome than agreeable; but she was, practically, a standing patient; and physicians, as you know, cannot choose. They must be, among mankind, like the Great Physician, as they who "serve;" not as those who are to be served, or accommodated. And they must serve those who come to them.

Miss L. was evidently somewhat disappointed, when she found I was not disposed to give her any medicine. A little, she thought, might sometimes be useful; a great deal she did not believe in, of course. Experience had forced upon her some of the lessons of wisdom. However, she contrived to fasten a good deal of faith on the laws of health, which I continually held forth to her. In particular, I urged on her the necessity of endeavoring to keep up what I was wont to call a centrifugal tendency in her system. A good plump, healthful, ever active, and ever vigorous skin was, as I told her, our only hope in her case. As a means to this end, and also as a means of withdrawing her attention from the slavery of a constant attendance on her own sensations, I urged her to mingle with society much more, and go about doing good to others, on the great principle, "It is more blessed to give than to receive." I warned her, however, against the danger of falling into the habit of giving an account of herself—her woes and sorrows—to every one she might meet with, who should kindly inquire about her condition, since it would greatly retard her improvement, even if it did not keep up or renew her disease.

Among other things, I ventured to suggest to her the importance of having something to do—something of a permanent nature. "We hear," I said, "of gentlemen at large, and you seem to be a lady at large. You have, in the usual acceptation of the phrase, nothing to do. Would it not be well for you to take charge of something or of somebody? You might, perhaps, assume the office of teacher, and take the charge of a few pupils; or even adopt a child or two as your own, where you might receive compensation. Or," as I finally added,—for I perceived she shrunk from all responsibilities of this kind,—"you might, perhaps, become the mistress of a family."

On the last mentioned topic, I was also obliged, for obvious reasons, to speak with considerable caution. She was unsocial, timid, fearful of being burdened with cares—the very stuff, though she knew it not, that human life is made of, ay, and human happiness too. But I could not hesitate to make the trial. My suggestions, however, were of little avail. She went on for some time, in the old way, and made very little progress.

I lost sight of her about this time, and never met her more. The sequel of her history I only know from report. It is painful in the extreme. It is, however, the history, in all its essential features, of thousands of selfish people, who, after all, by dint of numbers, force, and influence, contrive to rule the world.

Being fully determined to have no cares or responsibilities connected with children or household, she not only refused to hearken to my advice, but also to one or more truly kind and promising offers of marriage. She pursued her selfish course undisturbed, unless by occasional misgivings, till her brain and nervous system suffered so severely that she began to approach the confines of insanity.

It was, however, a considerable time before the silver cord was loosed, the golden bowl broken, and the wheel broken at the cistern. But the terrible result at length came. The demands of violated physical law are inexorable. She was conveyed, as a last resort, in the hope of cure, to an insane hospital. Here, after many and patient attempts to restore the crippled and broken down machinery to healthful motion, she ended her days.

My female patients were not all equally unfortunate. One I had, whose case, if minutely described, would present an array of facts painful in the extreme. She, too, approached the dark regions of insanity; but she did not enter. She still lives, and is at once a useful and happy woman, and an excellent wife and housekeeper. As a means to her recovery, however, she pursued a course diametrically opposite to that pursued by Miss L. She did not shrink from care and responsibility; on the contrary, she submitted to both. First, she sought increased activity and usefulness in her father's family; and, secondly, in a family of her own.

Concerning the last mentioned case, I have few misgivings, and equally few confessions to make. I call it a remarkable case; but it must not be revealed in its details, for other reasons besides its tediousness. In the case of Miss L., however, I have one deep and lasting regret.