I made a motion of entreaty with my hand.
‘Could your sister live independently of—of—your husband?’
‘She has means of her own. She has the same amount that I possess, or rather that I possessed.’
‘She can do what she likes with it?’
‘Yes, unless she has given it to John.’
‘As you did your portion?——Well, if your sister leaves your husband he must return the money he has taken from her that she may be independent to that extent. And she will take your place and live with me.’
But I was not to be moved. I had made up my mind. The resolution I had formed was the offspring of bitter tears and long hours of inward torment. My sister, my sweet sister, must be first. Since the certain result of the assertion of my existence must be to expel her from her home, leaving her friendless, an orphan, and lonely to face the world, then I must remain dumb and hidden, as much so as if I were at the bottom of the sea. And there was another consideration, something that might render the news of my being alive a dreadful and horrible affliction to her. She had been married four months.
Mrs. Lee saw that I was not to be moved.
‘I could sympathise with your resolution,’ said she, ‘if it were not for your children. Can we not get possession of them? You would then be happy, or at least happier than you are. But how is it to be done? They cannot be stolen,’ she cried, stepping about the room. ‘They can only be demanded in your name;’ then observing my distress and agitation, she added, ‘Well, we will wait a little. Something may happen to give a new turn to this strange, lamentable business. And you will not mind my having a good long talk with Mr. ——?’ and she named the clergyman of the church we attended. ‘He is a man of resources. Even my husband, who was a thoroughly business man, often found Mr. ——’s advice very useful. You may be able to exist without your husband, but with such a mother’s heart as you possess you will not be able to go on living long without your children.’
One point I overlooked at this time, nor indeed did it occur to me until events had robbed it of the weight it must otherwise have had: I mean that by determining not to make my existence known to my husband and sister I should be continuing in a state of absolute dependence upon Mrs. Lee. This I could not have felt whilst my memory was wanting; but now it was known to Mrs. Lee that I was a wife and that my husband was in a good position and capable of supporting me. As you will perhaps remember, when my father died he left five thousand pounds to my mother; this on her death was divided equally between Mary and me. Mary invested her money and kept control of it; I gave my portion to my husband, who invested it in his business or in some other way. There was capital enough here to have yielded me about one hundred pounds per annum, and this was the income, I believe, that Mary obtained from her share; whilst I chose to remain as one that was dead, my little fortune, of course, could be of no use to me, but as I have just said, the matter did not pressingly occur to me at this time.