"Mr. Lincoln looked at him quizzically for a moment, and then said, 'Ganson, how clean you shave!'
"Most men would have been offended, but Ganson was too broad and intelligent a man not to see the point and retire at once, satisfied, from the field."
Senator Fessenden came from the Capitol, one day, in a terrible rage because Mr. Lincoln had made certain promises, in matters of patronage, which he considered unjust to himself, and reproached and denounced the President in intemperate language. Mr. Lincoln made no explanation or reply, but listened calmly until the fury of the storm was spent, when, in his droll way, he inquired,—
"You are an Episcopalian, aren't you, Fessenden?"
"Yes, sir. I belong to that church."
"I thought so. You Episcopalians all swear alike. Seward is an Episcopalian; Stanton is a Presbyterian. You ought to hear him swear." And he continued to describe the several varieties of swearing and the nice distinctions between different kinds of profanity in the most philosophical manner, until Fessenden's fury was extinguished and he could discuss the reasons for the offensive appointment in a rational manner.
A visitor once asked Lincoln how many men the rebels had in the field.
He replied, very seriously, "Twelve hundred thousand, according to the best authority."
"Good heavens!"
"Yes, sir, twelve hundred thousand—no doubt of it. You see, all of our generals, when they get whipped, say the enemy outnumbers them from three or five to one, and I must believe them. We have four hundred thousand men in the field, and three times four make twelve. Don't you see it?"