Corea: The Hermit Nation

by William Elliot Griffis

It is the reciprocal salutation before witnesses on the wedding-dais that constitutes legitimate marriage. From that moment a husband may claim the woman as his wife. If he repudiates or divorces her, he may not marry another woman while his former wife is living, but he is free to take as many concubines as he can support. It is sufficient that a man is able to prove that he has had intimate relations with a maiden or a widow; she then becomes his legal property. No person, not even her parents, can claim her if the man persists in keeping her. If she escape, he may use force to bring her back to his house. Conjugal fidelity—obligatory on the woman—is not required of the husband, and a wife is little more than a slave of superior rank. Among the nobles, the young bridegroom spends three or four days with his bride, and then absents himself from her for a considerable time, to prove that he does not esteem her too highly. Etiquette dooms [[252]]her to a species of widowhood, while he spends his hours of relaxation in the society of his concubines. To act otherwise would be considered in very bad taste, and highly unfashionable. Instances are known of nobles who, having dropped a few tears at the death of their wives, have had to absent themselves from the saloons of their companions to avoid the torrent of ribaldry and jeers at such weakness. Such eccentricity of conduct makes a man the butt of long-continued raillery.

Habituated from infancy to such a yoke, and regarding themselves as of an inferior race, most women submit to their lot with exemplary resignation. Having no idea of progress, or of an infraction of established usage, they bear all things. They become devoted and obedient wives, jealous of the reputation and well-being of their husbands. They even submit calmly to the tyranny and unreason of their mothers-in-law. Often, however, there is genuine rebellion in the household. Adding to her other faults of character, violence and insubordination, a Corean wife quarrels with her mother-in-law, makes life to her husband a burden, and incessantly provokes scenes of choler and scandal. Among the lower classes, in such cases, a few strokes of a stick or blows of the fist bring the wife to terms. In the higher classes it is not proper to strike a woman, and the husband has no other course than that of divorce. If it is not easy for him to marry again, he submits. If his wife, not content with tormenting him, is unfaithful to him, or, deserting his bed, goes back to her own house, he can lead her before the magistrate, who after administering a beating with the paddles, gives her as a concubine to one of his underlings.

Women of tact and energy make themselves respected and conquer their legitimate position, as the following example shows. It is taken by Dallet from a Corean treatise on morals for the youth of both sexes:

Toward the end of the last century a noble of the capital, of high rank, lost his wife, by whom he had had several children. His advanced age rendered a second marriage difficult. Nevertheless, the middle-men (or marriage-brokers employed in such cases) decided that a match could be made with the daughter of a poor noble in the province of Kiung-sang. On the appointed day he appeared at the mansion of his future father-in-law, and the couple mounted the stage to make the salute according to custom. Our grandee, casting his eyes upon his new wife, stopped for the moment thunderstruck. She was very fat, ugly, hump-backed, [[253]]and appeared to be as slightly favored with gifts of mind as of body.

But he could not withdraw, and he played his part firmly. He resolved neither to take her to his house nor to have anything to do with her. The two or three days which it was proper to pass in his father-in-law’s house being spent, he departed for the capital and paid no further attention to his new relatives.

The deserted wife, who was a person of a great deal of intelligence, resigned herself to her isolation and remained in her father’s house, keeping herself informed, from time to time, of what happened to her husband. She learned, after two or three years, that he had become minister of the second rank, and that he had succeeded in marrying his two sons very honorably. Some years later, she heard that he proposed to celebrate, with all proper pomp, the festivities of his sixtieth birthday. Immediately, without hesitation and in spite of the remonstrances and opposition of her parents, she took the road to the capital. There hiring a palanquin, she was taken to the house of the minister and announced herself as his wife. She alighted, entered the vestibule, and presented herself with an air of assurance and a glance of tranquillity at the women of the united families. Seating herself at the place of honor, she ordered some fire brought, and with the greatest calmness lighted her pipe before the amazed domestics. The news was carried to the outer apartments of the gentlemen, but, according to etiquette, no one appeared surprised.

Finally the lady called together the household slaves and said to them, in a severe tone, “What house is this? I am your mistress, and yet no one comes to receive me. Where have you been brought up? I ought to punish you severely, but I shall pardon you this time.” They hastened to conduct her into the midst of all the female guests. “Where are my sons-in-law?” she demanded. “How is it that they do not come to salute me? They forget that I am without any doubt, by my marriage, the mother of their wives, and that I have a right, on their part, to all the honors due to their own mothers.”

Forthwith the two daughters-in-law presented themselves with a shamed air, and made their excuses as well as they were able. She rebuked them gently, and exhorted them to show themselves more scrupulous in the accomplishment of their duties. She then gave different orders in her quality as mistress of the house.

Some hours after, seeing that neither of the men appeared, she [[254]]called a slave to her, and said to him: “My two sons are surely not absent on such a day as this. See if they are in the men’s apartments, and bid them come here.” The sons presented themselves before her, much embarrassed, and blundered out some excuses. “How?” said she, “you have heard of my arrival for several hours and have not come to salute me? With such bad bringing up, and an equal ignorance of principles of action, how will you make your way in the world? I have pardoned my slaves and my daughters-in-law for their want of politeness, but for you who are men I cannot let this fault pass unpunished.” With this she called a slave and bade him give them some strokes on the legs with a rod. Then she added, “For your father, the minister, I am his servant, and I have not had orders to yield to him; but, as for you, henceforth do you act so as not to forget proprieties.” Finally the minister himself, thoroughly astonished at all that had passed, was obliged to come to terms and to salute his wife. Three days after, the festivities being ended, he returned to the palace. The king asked familiarly if all had passed off happily. The minister narrated in detail the history of his marriage, the unexpected arrival of his wife, and how she had conducted herself. The king, who was a man of sense, replied: “You have acted unjustly toward your wife. She appears to me to be a woman of spirit and extraordinary tact. Her behavior is admirable, and I don’t know how to praise her enough. I hope you will repair the wrongs you have done her.” The minister promised, and some days later solemnly conferred upon his wife one of the highest dignities of the court.

The woman who is legally espoused, whether widow or slave, enters into and shares the entire social estate of her husband. Even if she be not noble by birth she becomes so by marrying a noble, and her children are so likewise. If two brothers, for example, espouse an aunt and a niece, and the niece falls to the lot of the elder, she becomes thereby the elder sister, and the aunt will be treated as a younger sister. This relation of elder and younger sisters makes an immense difference in life, position, and treatment, in all Chinese Asia.