But now to come to my punctuall Discourse of Ireland; true it is, to make a fit comparison, the Barbarian Moore, the Moorish Spaniard, the Turke, and the Irish-man, are The ignorant and sluggish life of the common Irish.the least industrious, and most sluggish livers under the Sunne, for the vulgar Irish I protest, live more miserably in their brutish fashion, then the undaunted, or untamed Arabian, the Divelish-idolatrous Turcoman, or the Moone-worshipping Caramines: showing thereby a greater necessity they have to live, then any pleasure they have, or can have in their living.
There Fabrickes are advanced three or foure yardes high, Pavillion-like incircling, erected in a singular Frame, of smoake-torne straw, greene long prick’d truff, and Raine-dropping watles. Their several Roomes of Palatiat divisions, as Chambers, Halls, Parlors, Kitchins, Barnes, and Stables, are all inclosed in one, and that one (perhaps) in the midst of a Mire; where, when in foule weather, scarcely can they finde a drye part, whereupon to Repose, their cloud-baptized heads. Their shirts be woven, of the wooll or Linnen of their owne nature, and their penurious foode semblable, to their ruvid condition.
And lastly, these onely titular Christians, are so ignorant in their superstitious profession of Popery, that neither they, nor the greatest part of their Priests know, or [X. 430.]understand, what the mistery of the Masse is, which they dayly see, and the other celebrat, nor what the name of Jesus is, either in his divine, or humane nature: Aske him of his Religion? he replyeth, what his father, his great grand-father were, that will he be also: And hundreds of better then the common sort, have demanded mee, if Jerusalem, and Christs sepulcher were in Ireland, and if the Holy Land was contiguat with Saint Patrickes purgatory.
A foolish and superstitious errour.They also at the sight of each new Moone, (I speake it credibly) bequeath their Cattell to her protection, obnixiously imploring the pale Lady of the night, that shee will leave their Bestiall in as good plight, as shee found them: And if sicke, scabbed, or sore, they solicitat her mayden-fac’d Majesty to restore them to their health, in which absurdity, they far surmount the silly Sabuncks, and Garolinean Moores of Lybia: Indeed of all things (besides their ignorance) I onely lamented their heavie bondage under three kind of Masters; the Land-lord for his Rent, the Minister for his Tythes, and the Romish Priest for his Fees: And remarke when their owne Irish Rent masters have any voyage for Dublin, or peradventure superspended at home in feasting of strangers, then must these poore ones be taxed and afflicted with the supply of the devasted provision of their prodigall houses; otherwise in supporting their superfluous charges for Dublin.
O? what a slavish servitude doe these silly wretches indure, the most part of whom in all their lives, have never third part food, Natures clothing, nor a secure shelter for the Winter cold.
The miserable sight whereof, and their sad sounding groanes, have often drawne a sorrowful remorse from my humane compassion.
[X. 431.]As for their Gentry such as are brought up here at London, learne to become a great deale more civill, than these who are brought up at home, after their owne rude and accustomable manner: And this I observed, in my traversing the whole Kingdome, I never saw one, or other, neither could move any of that selfe Nation, to pledge or present his Majesties health; but as many other healths as you list; they will both fasten, and receive from you, till they fall in the muddy hotch potch of their dead Grandfathers understanding: Indeed for entertainment of strangers they are freely disposed, and there Gentlemen of any good sort, reserve ever in their houses, Spanish Sack, and Irish Uscova, and will be as tipsy with their wives, their Priests, and their friends, as though they were naturaly infeft, in the eleven royall Tavernes of Naples.
Two intollerable abuses in Ireland.And now amongst many, there are two intollerable abuses of protections in that Kingdome: The one of Theeves and Woodcarnes, the other of Priests and Papists: I discourse of these corruptions now, as I found them then.
The first is prejudiciall to all Christian civillnesse tranquill government, and a great discouragment for our collonizd plantators there, belonging to both soyles of this Iland, being dayly molested, and nightly incombered with these blood-sucking Rebells.
And notwithstanding of their barbarous crueltie, ever executed at all advantages, with slaughter and murder upon the Scots and English dwellers there; yet they have and find at their owne wills Symonaicall protections, for lesser or longer times; ever as the confused disposers, have their law-sold hands, filled with the bloody bribes of [X. 432.]slaughtered lives, high-way, and house-robbed people: And then thereafter their ill got meanes being spent, like unto dogs, they returne backe to their former vomit; so jugling with their in, and outgoings, like to the restlesse Ocean, that they cannot, nor never did, become true The filthy corruption of Irish Priests and Wood-Carnes, theevish Rebells.subjects to our King, nor faithfull friends to their Countrey: Unlesse by extremity of Justice, the one still hanged before the other, the remanent by the gallowes may examplifie amendment, contrarywise that Land shall never be quiet: for these villanous Woodcarnes are but the Hounds of their hunting Priests, against what faction soever, their malicious malignity is intended: Partly for intertaynement, partly for particular splenes, and lastly, for a general disturbance of the Countrey, for the Priests greater security and stay.