12th.—The paupers of Gripeham workhouse having been, under the new law, deprived of their tobacco, deputed one old woman, as the organ of the rest, to demand a restoration of their pipes. The overseers withstood her fire, and refused her smoke; however, at the suggestion of one of their body who had learned Latin, they consented to allow her a "Quid pro quo."
Nov. 15th.—The Society for the Protection of Animals held its yearly meeting. The report stated, that in Billingsgate their efforts had met with great success. In the following meritorious cases the large silver medal was awarded:—To Diana Finn, for cracking the necks of a pound of eels before she skinned them; to Simon Soft, for boiling his lobsters in cold water; to Ephraim Hacket, for crimping cod with a blunted knife; and to Felix Flat, for refusing to open live oysters. In other quarters humanity was also progressing, and prizes were given to Hans Lever, for drubbing a donkey with the thin end of his cudgel, at the request of an officer of this Society; and to Nicodemus Nacks, for consenting to keep a plaster on his pony's raw, except on pleasure parties, and other occasions requiring extra persuasion. The thanks of the Society were voted to Daniel Dozer, Esq., of New River Head, for using dead worms as a bait: and the gold medal to the same gentleman, for his practice of angling without hooking the fish. A premium was also offered by the Society for some preparation of ox(h)ide of iron, which shall enable a bullock's back to resist a whacking.
Dec. 7th.—Sir Harcourt Lees was frightened into fits by O'Connell's ghost, which appeared in the shape of a moving Mass, with cloven feet, a long tail, and the Pope's eye in the middle of his forehead.
18th.—During the exhibition of the gas microscope, the water tigers, irritated by the intense blaze of light to which they were exposed, after several tremendous efforts to escape, broke from their confinement, and sprang among the spectators. Three young ladies from a boarding school were instantly devoured. The ferocious animals next turned their attention to the governess and an old teacher, who, proving rather tough, afforded time for their keeper to secure them, which he did by re-absorbing them in a drop of water on the point of a needle.
NOVEMBER.—'Lord Mayor's Day'
| 1836.] | NOVEMBER. | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| When good Sir John has carried his bill, | |||
| No dread of Term shall the poet fill, | |||
| The Scholar shall write, and fear no writ, | |||
| No White Cross bars shall bar his wit, | |||
| The Fleet, unmann'd, no more alarm, | |||
| The King's Bench be but an empty Form. | |||
| M | Season's | Odd Matters. | WEATHER. |
| D | Signs. | ||
| 1 | Murky | ||
| 2 | burky | LORD MAYOR'S SHOW. | stage-coach |
| 3 | damp | I sing of a jolly day, | traveller |
| A civical holiday; | |||
| 4 | and | Some call a folly day: | ♃ △ ☍ □ ♂ |
| Weather is foggified; | |||
| 5 | drear | Mechanics get groggified, | |
| Citizens hoggified: | journeyeth | ||
| 6 | see | The rain it is drizzling, | |
| Mizzling, frizzling; | |||
| 7 | this | Streets are all slippery; | ♈ ☊ ♍ |
| Girls sport their frippery: | |||
| 8 | gloomy | Sweethearts are squeezing 'em, | |
| Pleasing 'em,—teazing 'em. | outside | ||
| 9 | month | Rabble are bawling, O! | |
| Women are squalling, O! | |||
| 10 | appear | Banners are waving, | the vehicle; |
| Policemen are staving | |||
| 11 | London | On heads misbehaving: | |
| Ward beadles bustling, | |||
| 12 | fill'd | Pickpockets hustling; | □ ♃ △ ♂ |
| People tip-toeing it: | |||
| 13 | with | Swell mob are going it, | |
| Making sly snatches | when | ||
| 14 | slush | At brooches and watches. | |
| Horses are neighing, | he should | ||
| 15 | and fog | Urchins huzzaing; | |
| Trumpets are braying; | snugly | ||
| 16 | looks | Trombones are grumbling, | |
| Bassoons are rumbling, | ensconce | ||
| 17 | just | Clarinets speaking, | |
| Piccoloes squeaking. | himself | ||
| 18 | like an | See, there goes the armour man; | |
| Ne'er was a calmer man; | within; | ||
| 19 | Irish | Sitting inside the mail, he | |
| Looks a little bit paly. | |||
| 20 | bog | And hark! what a drumming! | ♈ ☍ ♉ ♋ ♎ |
| The Lord Mayor is coming; | |||
| 21 | every | And here are the Aldermen, | with divers |
| There's very few balder men; | |||
| 22 | trouble | And there march the Livery, | |
| Looking quite shivery; | and sundry | ||
| 23 | now | In and out straggling, | |
| Thro' the mud draggling. | |||
| 24 | seems | I'm sure the poor sinners | ♊ ♒ ☿ ♍ |
| Must long for their dinners. | |||
| 25 | double | Well, now the fun's over | |
| They'll fatten in clover; | |||
| 26 | and the | And afterwards drink on it. | such-like |
| So, what do you think on it? | |||
| 27 | worst | Don't it shew quite effectual | |
| The March Intellectual? | |||
| 28 | in all | ♀ ♈ ☍ | |
| 29 | the | sad | |
| 30 | year. | mischances | |
Extracts from the Proceedings of the Association of British
Illuminati, at their Annual Meeting, held in Dublin,
August, 1835.
Dr. Hoaxum read an interesting paper on the conversion of moonbeams into substance, and rendering shadows permanent, both of which he had recently exemplified in the establishment of some public companies, whose prospectuses he laid upon the table.
Mr. Babble produced his calculating machine, and its wonderful powers were tested in many ways by the audience. It supplied to Captain Sir John North an accurate computation of the distance between a quarto volume and a cheesemonger's shop; and solved a curious question as to the decimal proportions of cunning and credulity, which, worked by the rule of allegation, would produce a product of 10,000l.