Oh, dear! going home's worse than coming! It's ten to one if ever we get back to Tooley Street alive.——Such jostling, and pushing, and prancing of horses! and always the tipsiest gentleman of every party will drive.
I wish I was one of those ladies at the windows; or even one of the servant maids giggling behind the garden walls.——And oh! there's Kennington turnpike! what shouting and hooting, and blowing those horrid cat-calls!
Ticket, Sir? got a ticket? No, I've lost it. A shilling, then. A shilling! I've paid you once to-day.——Oh, yes, I suppose so: the old tale; but it wont do. That's what all you sporting gentlemen say.
Hinsolent feller! I'll have you up before your betters. Come, sir, you musn't stop up the way. Well, I'll pay you again; but, oh Lord! somebody's stole my purse! good gracious, what shall I do!——I suppose I must leave my watch, and call for it to-morrow. Oh, ruination! blow'd if that isn't gone too!
Get on there, will you?—Well, stop a moment. Will anybody lend me a shilling? No? Well, here then, take my hat:——But if I don't show you up in Bell's Life in London next Sunday morning, my name's not Timothy Flat.
Well, this is my last journey to Epsom, my last appearance on any course as a backer or hedger:——For I see plain enough a betting-book aint a day-book, and a Derby's a very different thing from a Ledger.
A PARALLEL CASE OF HARDSHIP.
A public subscription of several thousand pounds has been proposed to be raised towards Mr. Buckingham's losses in India; quickened by the threat that, if not sufficient to maintain him, he would be driven to the very dreadful necessity of "devoting the remainder of his days to useful and honourable labour!" To avert so dire a calamity, it will be proposed among Mr. B.'s friends to revive the old project, and send him round the world on a voyage of discovery and commerce. He is to sail on the first of next April, and will take with him passengers, emigrants, and merchandize. First exploring the British coast, he will establish a colony of tailors at Sheer-ness; then offer a consignment of saddles and bridles to the inhabitants of Ryde; afterwards call for Mr. Ole Bull off Cowes, as fiddler to the crew; from thence he will despatch a bale of blankets to Friez-land, and of gloves to the people of Pau, taking in exchange some cheap coffee for charitable purposes from Cham-berry. Proceeding through the Channel, he will receive a few distressed ladies at Brideport on an experimental voyage to Beau-maris. The late ministry will accompany him as far as the Ex, and at Ply-Mouth Sound he will take in the substance of his next parliamentary campaign. At the Scilly Islands he will try to dispose of a heavy consignment from Paternoster Row and some leading establishments at the west-end of the town. He will leave the Poor Law Commissioners at their headquarters at Flint; thence crossing the Atlantic, he will deposit the bones of Mr. Carus Wilson at Long Island, and offer a cargo of soft-soap at Washington. He will next despatch Stone masons to the Chipaway country, and Carpenters to the Chick-a-saws, and he will be commissioned to get a lot of old Joes exchanged at New-Found-Land. He will supply the natives of Chili with great coats, carry ham and beef to the Sandwich Islands, and broad cloth to Bombay. He will then reach the North Pole by taking up his ship in an air balloon, and remaining suspended, till, as the world goes round, the arctic circle is just under his feet, when he will drop into the midst of it. Coming home from the North, about next St. Swithin twelvemonths, he will bring us a little Blue from the Island of Skye, and call off the coast of Ayr-shire for another scheme to raise the wind. On his arrival, the wooden guns at Jack Straw's Castle will be fired, and the town illuminated with moonshine.
MAY.—Beating the Bounds.