June 23.—The splendid pair of yahoos, recently presented to the So-oh!-logical Society by the Duke of C——, have shown such extraordinary apt-ness, under the influence of example and good society, that on Sunday last, after having been submitted to the respective operations of Mr. Stulz and Madame Carson, they were allowed to walk out among the fashionables, when they deported themselves so well, that none but those in the secret could distinguish them from the rest of the company.
July 15.—The torrents which ushered in the morning led many to believe that, as this was the first day of St. Swithin's reign, so he had also selected it for his coronation; and in this they were confirmed by the streaming of the people along the streets, and the wringing of the Belles.
Aug. 26.—At the meeting of the British Association, at Bristol, Professor Buckland announced, as an indisputable fact, that the antediluvians kept cows, and vended their produce as we do; for, in the plains of Bul-garia, he had recently discovered a petrified milk walk, with a fragment of a fossil pump-handle at the end of it.
Sept. 1.—A sporting Cockney was unlucky enough to hit a cow in the calf of her leg, at Hornsey. She was no sooner in a limp than he was in a hobble, and he found to his cost that leg of beef is not always to be peppered with impunity.
Sept. 12.—Mr. Curtis announced his intention of standing for the Borough of Eye, in the event of a dissolution of Parliament, and made his opening speech to the voters amidst cries of "Ear! Ear!"
Oct. 10.—"Found, a healthy male Infant," &c., &c. That ancient sine quâ non to persons crossing the seas, a child's caul, is now a mere drug in the market. Instead of making it a compagnon de voyage, numbers cross the seas to avoid it. A child's call, in high preservation, may be picked up on any moonlight night, in any blind alley where you see "Rubbish to be shot here." A handbill headed "Desertion," formerly a monstrosity of un-English shape, is now a forme that the parish printer always keeps standing; and the beadles dryly observe, that they are become wet nurses to the children of half the parish. The Honourable Commissioners of the mechanical powers, Messrs. Leave-er, Wedge, and Screw, are indefatigable in fulfilling the intentions of their employers who have devised this happy state of things, to save themselves and their hopeful heirs from the unpleasant necessity of answering "A child's call."
Nov. 2.—A resolution was carried in the Common Council not to allow any more money for summer excursions on the water. The minority said they dreaded the vengeance of the ladies, and many members returned home in a very unhappy state, looking anxiously about for inscriptions of "Broken crockery mended here;" for they knew, by past experience, that man is the vessel that goes to pot when it comes to family jars.
Our revels concluded, a merry farewell
To all but a few irreclaimable sinners,