I had but one course to pursue. I sent the Captain a short and contemptuous note, saying, that he was beneath my anger. As for Clopper, I did not condescend to notice his remark; but in order to get rid of the troublesome society of these low blackguards, I determined to gratify an inclination I had long entertained, and make a little tour. I applied for leave of absence, and set off that very night. I can fancy the disappointment of the brutal Waters, on coming, as he did, the next morning, to my quarters and finding me gone, ha! ha!
After this adventure I became sick of a military life—at least, the life of my own regiment, where the officers, such was their unaccountable meanness and prejudice against me, absolutely refused to see me at mess. Colonel Craw sent me a letter to this effect, which I treated as it deserved.—I never once alluded to it in any way, and have since never spoken a single word to any man in the North-Bungays.
Association of British Illuminati, to be held in the Town Hall,
Birmingham, in August, 1839.
[We have been specially favoured with an account of some of the most important affairs to be transacted at the 1839 meeting; many of which, from the general inaccuracy of the published report, will, perhaps, not meet the public eye in any other way.]
The Lions of the day from all parts of the world are pledged to be present, among others those of Mr. Van Amburgh. The man with the goats and monkeys as yet sticks out for terms. Miss Amany Amal and sisters will remain in this country, and attend, by permission from the Adelphi, to communicate their interesting discoveries in Indian Toe-pography. The president of the Nose-all-ogical Society will be engaged, as also Grace Darling, if not too dear.
A Deputation from the Female Temperance Society will wait on the section devoted to the investigation of mesmerism, to know if they may take infinitesimal doses of brandy in their tea; and the section of moral science will be requested, for the satisfaction of the scrupulous, to state whether persons who abjure gin, rum, and brandy, because they do not like them, are, therefore, fit members of a temperance society.
Professor Murphy will announce his discovery of the real philosopher's stone, by which he will prove to them the possibility of converting all sorts of rubbish into gold. It is intended to present to him the freedom of the town in a brass snuff-box.
Dr. Crow will read a paper on the sagacity of rooks, in which he will propound and defend the extraordinary conjecture that they never make a noise without caws.
A Deputation from the Fellows of the Zoological Society will attend, to request the Homœopathic section to devise some means for the application of animal magnetism to the purpose of drawing more visitors to the menagerie. Many of the public, it seems, are cured of their wish for seeing "by smelling only;" and as it is supposed that the council "nose" all about it, they will now begin to vent-too-late.
Mr. Owen will attempt to explain his plans for getting rid of old discord by the establishment of New Harmony, and his peculiar notions of the preservation of peace, by the disposal of the ladies on the circulating library principle. Should he prove unable to make his views clear, either to his auditors or himself, he will finish with a catalogue of his own perfections, accompanied on the trumpet stop of the town organ.