| 1835.] | SEPTEMBER. | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| Boiling, boiling, stewed in steamers, | |||
| Aldgate flares in Margate manners; | |||
| Fleet Ditch—Shoreditch—both are streamers; | |||
| London flags, deserted banners. | |||
| M | Season's | Odd Matters. | WEATHER. |
| D | Signs. | ||
| 1 | Ods! | If it be | |
| 2 | flints | THE COCKNEY'S ANNUAL. | not |
| 3 | and | There's one thing very wonderful,—indeed, it quite astonishes, | ♄ ♂ ☊ ☉ ⚹ |
| 4 | triggers | And of the March of Intellect it forcibly admonishes, | ☉ ♀ |
| 5 | double | It shows how wise the people are in every situation | seasonable |
| 6 | barrel- | And tho' they love reform, how much they hate all innovation, | weather |
| 7 | led | It proves, that tho' unsparingly they root out old abuses, | |
| 8 | guns | They have a pious care for things of venerable uses; | ⚹ ♊ ♈ ☌ |
| 9 | and | And tho' some folks don't scruple much to talk of revolution; | at |
| 10 | per- | And many would not hesitate to change the constitution; | this time, |
| 11 | cussion | Yet this one thing's so cherish'd with a laudable affection,— | ♉ ♄ ☉ ♊ ☌ |
| 12 | locks | This idol of our ancestors, this mirror for reflection,— | then |
| 13 | powder | That in the very centre of fair London's gorgeous city, | will it be |
| 14 | horns | It reigns, as in the days of old, to glad the wise and witty; | otherwise; |
| 15 | and | Exhibiting the anxious care the Civical Nobility | |
| 16 | shot | Feel for the moral purity of London's chaste mobility: | ♀ ☍ ♑ ♌ ☋ |
| 17 | A long harangue I'd make of it, but flinch from your ferocity, | which will | |
| 18 | pistols | Already rous'd up to the highest pitch of curiosity, | be worthy |
| 19 | charged | I'll tell you then what 'tis at once, and nothing more shall follow new,— | |
| ☍ ☌ ♄ ☉ | |||
| 20 | with | It is that rural festival—the Fair of St. Bartholomew | |
| of a | |||
| 21 | brandy | ||
| diligent | |||
| 22 | thick | ||
| 23 | soled | ⊕ ♉ ♂ ☿ ♑ | |
| 24 | shoes | searching | |
| 25 | and | into | |
| 26 | flab- | ||
| ♂ ♄ ☉ ♈ | |||
| 27 | ber- | ||
| the causes | |||
| 28 | de- | ||
| 29 | gas | ☌ ⚹ ♀ ⊕ ♄ | |
| . | |||
| 30 | kins | thereof. | |
| OCTOBER. | [1835. | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| Old Gripes, the brewer, reads with iron phiz | |||
| The Times, nor cares if hops be "fell" or "riz;" | |||
| Nor does the malt-tax cause him hope or fear, | |||
| For malt has no connexion with his beer. | |||
| M | Season's | Odd Matters. | WEATHER. |
| D | Signs. | ||
| 1 | Now's | ||
| We look | |||
| 2 | the | THE RETURN TO TOWN. | |
| now for | |||
| 3 | time | At length, compell'd by emptying purse | |
| To fly from fleas, and something worse— | ♉ ☍ ♈ ♀ | ||
| 4 | by | The oft-sung strain, "Do let us stay | |
| Another week," is thrown away: | cool weather | ||
| 5 | jingo | You talk of rain, and chilly weather, | |
| That cash and days grow short together, | ⚹ ♏ ♀ | ||
| 6 | for | That winds, and clouds, and fogs are come, | |
| All hints to haste from Hastings home; | ♀ ♃ ⊕ ♎ ♐ | ||
| 7 | brewing | So nought remains but just to get, | |
| Before you travel, out of debt; | which is a | ||
| 8 | rare | Glut all the household birds of prey, | |
| Pack your remains, and run away. | reasonable | ||
| 9 | good | At raffles oft you've tried your fate, | |
| And let your gains accumulate, | expectation | ||
| 10 | stingo | And now you wind up all the fun | |
| With ten pounds staked, a sovereign won, | |||
| 11 | and | For which you bear away to town | ☊ ♓ ♑ ♌ |
| Gilt paper treasures worth a crown. | |||
| 12 | where | No doubt you've tried, like all the rest, | yet hath it |
| A little smuggling for a zest; | |||
| 13 | is he | Sufficient proof, you've fill'd your jars | sometimes |
| With Cognac made at Smithfield Bars; | |||
| 14 | who'd | Your wife has bargain'd for French flowers, | chanced |
| All grown in Hatton Garden's bowers; | |||
| 15 | dare to | On foreign silks display'd her skill, | otherwise, |
| While Spitalfields supplied her still. | |||
| 16 | scorn | And last comes on the dismal day | |
| When daughters slowly slink away, | ♒ ☿ ♊ ♍ ☽ | ||
| 17 | the | And leave you, warned by gloomy brows, | |
| With money bills, brought up by spouse, | and so I do | ||
| 18 | famous | Debating clauses, which, alas! | |
| You neither can throw out nor pass. | leave you | ||
| 19 | Sir John | And when you've managed all to pay, | |
| You skulk to town the cheapest way; | to decide | ||
| 20 | Barley- | Put sixpence in the coachman's hand, | |
| Haggle with Jarvey on the stand, | upon the | ||
| 21 | corn | And curs'd and bullied, off you sneak, | |
| To pinch at home for many a week. | probability | ||
| 22 | let | ||
| either way | |||
| 23 | others | ||
| 24 | boast of | ♀ ♏ ⚹ | |
| 25 | foreign | being not | |
| 26 | wine | unmindful | |
| 27 | a cup | as to what | |
| 28 | of home | the Great | |
| 29 | brew'd | Comet hath | |
| 30 | beer | to do in the | |
| 31 | be mine. | matter. | |
OCTOBER.
ADVERTISEMENT EXTRAORDINARY.
BRUTISH HUMBUG COLLEGE OF HEALTH.—The wonderful efficacy of the Morising Pills becomes every day more perspicuous. The discerning Public swallows 'em 'like winking;' and we defies all opposition, and the Weakly attempts of our enemies to Dispatch us. We tells those as calls us quacks, that, under the blessing of Divine Providence, we glories in our ignorance; and takes every opportunity of exposing it, for the benefit of our suffering fellow-creatures. And we have found them a sovereign remedy for ourselves; having, for a long while, been afflicted with an emptiness of the chest, and a great deficiency of the yellow-stuff, all which terrible symptoms have speedily disappeared; so we feels in duty bound to propagate our pills to the remotest prosperity.
The following are selected out of several millions of cases, furnished by a single agent, in a most sensible letter, to prove the never-to-be-enough-wondered-at wonderful efficacy of the Hy-gee-wo-ian Medicines.
Most Respected Sir,
Being clearly convinced, from a proper use of my reasoning faculties, that it is perfectly consistent with probability and good sense to believe that one medicine, made of I don't know what, by I don't know who, is certain to cure every disorder, and is equally efficacious in all ages and constitutions, from the infant of a week old, to the old man of eighty; and being, moreover, equally well convinced that it is quite unreasonable to place any sort of trust or dependence on the prescriptions of men of scientific education, who have merely devoted their whole lives to the medical profession;—and, further, being struck with the astounding fact, and exceeding likelihood, that an universal panacea could only be reserved for those who are quite innocent of all medical knowledge, and whose perfect disinterestedness is manifested by their being contented with the trifling remuneration derived from the credulity of the British public;—I say, Sir, for all these reasons I have become a zealous advocate of the Hy-gee-wo-ian medicines.