The Comic Almanack, Volume 1 / An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities

by William Makepeace Thackeray; Gilbert Abbott À Beckett; Henry Mayhew; Horace Mayhew; Albert Smith

For none but nincompoops and fools

Let "dead men push them from their stools."

(Signed) Rigdum Funnidos.

JANUARY.			[1836.
		"Kind Reader!" (as old Francis always said,)
		Beware of counterfeits, for Frank is dead;
		Some Quack survives—physician—if he will,
		To swallow, of our physic, many a pill.
		We'll spread the caustic 'midst the town's applause,
		And thank the public that the blister draws.
M	Season's	Odd Matters.	WEATHER.
D	Signs.
1	When it
			My
2	freezes	"HARD FROST."
			profound
3	and	The day is clear, the frost is hard,—
		I very much incline,
4	blows	As I'm a dab, to have a skate	△ ⚹ ☉
		Upon the Serpentine.
5	take
		There's Mr. Tait,—he cuts an eight;	prognostifications
6	care of	He cannot cut a nine;
		And I could cut as good a figure
7	your	On the Serpentine.	of the
8	nose	I hate the eight of Mr. Tait,
		For he's no friend of mine;	weather
9	that it	He used me once so ungenteely
		On the Serpentine.
10	doesn't
		For in the tête of Mr. Tait	☿ △ ♂ ☉ ⚹
11	get	There harbour'd a design,
		To break the ice with Sophy Price	for
12	froze	Upon the Serpentine.
			the past
13	and	He cut in there, and cut me out
		Of my sweet Valentine,	year
14	wrap up	Which cut quite cut me to the heart,
		Upon the Serpentine.
15	your
		She cut me, while I thought that I	□ ☌ ⚹ ☉
16	toes in	Was cutting such a shine,
		By cutting out her pretty name	have all
17	warm	Upon the Serpentine.
			proved
18	worsted	So, Billy, bring my polish'd skates,—
		My love I wont resign;	so correct,
19	hose.	She meets her knight, I know, to-day,
		Upon the Serpentine.
20	At
		And if my sweet wont follow suite,	□ ♄
21	night	But still my suit decline,
		The thaw I'll wait, to seal my fate,	□ ☿ ♄ △ ♂
22	ere you	All in the Serpentine.
			and
23	slip
			I have
24	into
25	bed
			☉ □ △
26	you
			herein,
27	may
			as well as
28	sip a
29	can of
			☍ ☌ △ ♄
30	good
			in all
31	flip.

JANUARY.—"Hard Frost."

SLANGOLOGY.

"With many holiday and court-like phrase—"

Shakespeare's Henry IV., Part I.

Miss Arabella Wilhelmina Wiggins is the pattern of gentility: