28. Conviction at Worship-street, for selling spurious T, which shows the necessiT of avoiding an uncertainT.
VALOUR AND DISCRETION:
THE ANCIENT AND HONOURABLE LUMBER TROOP.
(From their Private Despatches.)
It is at all times a pleasing task to chronicle heroic deeds, and we hasten to immortalize the proceedings of this gallant body of veterans during the past year. Amongst their most daring and successful attempts, have been the taking possession of Eel Pie Island; the storming of the baked apple-stand, at Temple Bar; the blockade of Bolt-court, and the celebrated passage of the Paddington Canal, under the direction of General Blackrag, the great city undertaker, to whom the attack was entrusted, from his experience, as he himself stated, in marching at the head of the corps. He was ably seconded by his usual auxiliary, Dr. Bluelight, the former providing the shells, and the latter the mortars, the combined effects of which produced terrific execution. From the usual habits of the troop, it may readily be conceived that counter marching was the manœuvre at which they felt most at home; in fact, the only idea they had of "a regular march," was the one between February and April. During their encounters, they have given and taken no quarter, except an occasional fore one of lamb; whilst their undaunted courage was well shown in the speech of Ensign Miggins, who declared "that he would never shrink from coming to the pint, even against a rampart of quartz;" and his unshaken energy in bearing the standard was never known to flag, firm as its contemporary in Cornhill. Their acknowledged love of card-playing having induced some unpleasant gambling transactions, it has been resolved, by the head of the members, to prevent all legs from bearing arms in their body; and a late regulation orders the colour of their plumes to be a deep crimson, not only as emblematical of blood and glory, but from its precluding the possibility of any one, at any time, showing a white feather. It is truly delightful to contemplate the harmony which reigns amongst them at present; and it it somewhat remarkable, considering their aptitude for catches of all sorts, that they have made no prisoners. The only approach to anything like discord in the troop, was upon the occasion of the dispute relative to a contemplated attack upon Burgundy and Madeira; but even this added to the general harmony, since, although the dinner service was demolished in the contention, this one war was productive of one hundred peaces; and it furthermore enabled the members to present to their friends several unique pieces of plate, at a small outlay. We are indebted to their laureate for the following—
WAR SONG OF THE LUMBER TROOP.
Blow forth the clarion's pealing sound,
Your voices raise on high,
And send the bottle quickly round,
To drink to victory;
The campaign to the champagne yields.