Mary Smith.
REGISTER OF INVENTIONS FOR 1841.
Some excitement has been caused among the learned bodies on the Continent, by the discovery of a new Chlorine Bleaching Fluid, of novel and unexampled powers, the invention of which is due to Professor Jügler, of Scampsburgen. Not only has it the power of removing the most permanent stains from a person's character, but it also clears the most muddy conscience in the course of a few applications; and a small quantity applied to the head as a lotion is gradually absorbed and filters through the brain, removing in its course all unpleasant reminiscences and uncomfortable thoughts. Its mollifying powers have been tested on a number of the hardest substances, including the heart of a metaphysician, which, in a few seconds, it entirely humanized. Diluted with water, and sprinkled on the floor, it purifies Houses of Parliament, Lawyers' Offices, Private Lunatic Asylums, Cheap Schools, and Race-course Betting-stands; and, used medicinally, a few drops, taken internally, blunt the intellect, and if administered before a trial, will totally destroy any souvenir of a former event that it may be deemed advisable to get rid of in a principal witness. We ought in justice to add, that the Mnemonic Tincture was also the discovery of the talented Jügler, which is equally useful in causing persons to recollect things that never happened at all.
Photographic Portraits. Whilst the Adelaide Gallery and Polytechnic Institution of London are vying with each other for superiority in producing those remarkably pleasant-looking and cheerful representations, Mons. Le Cœur, of Paris, has adopted his new system of taking them, which it seems he addresses especially to young engaged people. The optical structure of the human eye, it is well known, forms a Camera Obscura, by whose action the lineaments of the loved one are correctly stamped upon the heart. The chief difficulty has been experienced in fixing the picture so formed; for it appears that, after marriage, there are few, if any, traces of the features that were impressed there before.
Amongst the Patents taken out during the past year, the Polyglossographic Adamant Steel Pen ranks high in estimation. It is particularly recommended to the notice of the public, for the facility with which it enables people, not only to write in any language they like, but to transcribe with grammatical elegance.
The Parvenu Medium Point is invaluable to those ladies and gentlemen who have experienced a sudden rise in their fortunes; as it saves them from exposing their want of education to their epistolary friends.
The Platino-Zincoid Poetical Nib will write Stanzas to Mary, and lines to a Moss Rose, in any quantity; peculiarly adapted for Albums and Fashion Books. To paid, regular contributors to Annuals and Magazines, who revel in the mill-horse style of writing, it will be found of incalculable advantage.
The Romance Rhodium Quality will furnish tales for newspapers at a column an hour, varying in thrilling intensity, or historical epoch, according to the ink used, which may, it appears, be procured with the pens. The Newgate Writing Fluid is the most popular at present.
The Patent Circumslogdollagizing Leader Pen will prove highly advantageous to gentlemen of the Public Press, from the facility with which it produces leading articles on any popular theme. We had the satisfaction of trying a Corn Law pen, which answered admirably; and we hear the ingenious inventor has manufactured Chartist, Commentary, and Abusive pens, on the same principle, as well as Review Nibs.
The Engineer of the North-south-east-western Counties Railway undertook, for a trifling wager, to travel at the rate of twenty miles a second, and actually arrived at the appointed station some time before he quitted the terminus! He states that this intense velocity is obtained by using gin and water in the engine, instead of water alone, which imbues it with a species of temporary intoxication.