The Comic Almanack, Volume 1 / An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities

by William Makepeace Thackeray; Gilbert Abbott À Beckett; Henry Mayhew; Horace Mayhew; Albert Smith

JULY.—"Dog Days"

1836.]		JULY.
		Dear me! how hot the weather grows—
		There's scarce a breath to cool one's face;
		Through Air Street not a zephyr blows,
		Nor e'en a breeze from Wind-ham Place.
		Down Regent Street, so lazy all one sees,
		There's nobody "industrious" but "The Fleas."
M	Season's	Odd Matters.	WEATHER.
D	Signs.
1	belly
2	back	A DOGGEREL FOR THE DOG DAYS.	(that
3	hips	Most doggedly I do maintain,	is to say,
		And hold the dogma true,—
4	reins,	That four-legg'd dogs altho' we see,	beginning
		We've some that walk on two.
5	all		at the
		Among them there are clever dogs;
6	full of	A few you'd reckon mad;	beginning)
		While some are very jolly dogs,
7	aches	And others very sad.	♍ ☉ ⚹ ♍
8	and	You've heard of Dogs, who, early taught,	♓ ☽ ♑
		Catch halfpence in the mouth;—
9	pains	But we've a long-tail'd Irish dog,
		With feats of larger growth.	I do
10	because
		Of Dogs who merely halfpence snatch
11	I know	The admiration ceases,	prefer
		For he grows saucy, sleek, and fat,
12	not	By swallowing penny-pieces!
13	what	He's practising some other feats,	☉ ☽ ♑ ♀
		Which time will soon reveal;
14	to do	One is, to squeeze an Orange flat,
		And strip it of its Peel.	jogging
15	the
		The next he'll find a toughish job,
16	Season's	For one so far in years;	along
		He wants to pull an old House down,
17	Signs	That's now propp'd up by Peers.
18	are	I've heard of physic thrown to dogs,	☉ ♊ ♓ ♓
		And very much incline
19	now	To think it true, for we've a pack	slowly and
		Who only bark and w(h)ine.
20	so few
		The Turnspit of the sad old days	cautelously;
21	and	Is vain enough to boast,
		Altho' his "occupation's gone,"
22	all	He still could rule the roast.	☽ △ ♓
23	that	But turnspits now are out of date,—
		We all despise the hack,	feeling
24	I have	And in the kitchen of the state
		We still prefer a Jack.	my way,
25	got
26	to say
			as it were,
27	is, take
			with
28	care of
29	Saint		♄ ♃ ♂ ☉ ⚹
30	Swithin's		my eye at
31	day!

STANZAS, addressed to Mrs...., of ... Terrace
Cat and Mutton Fields.

You 'cat,' that would 'worry a rat!'

You 'cow with the crumpled horn!'

I wish you were squeez'd,—and that's flat,—

For ill-using a 'Maiden forlorn.'

You're as bad as a slave-driver quite,

Altho' you subscrib'd to the tracts;—

If the linen's wash'd ever so white,