Half the linendrapers' shops are closed; Waterloo House is "to let;" Sewell and Cross' has become a cigar divan. Oh this female emigration mania! We'll give the committee another ten years, and then let our un-darned socks be upon their heads. When at last we have become a nation of shopkeeping monks, Government will have to take the matter in hand. Ladies will have to be imported to supply the place of the exported; our fleets will be obliged to scour the seas, touching at every island, till their cargo of lovely virgins and charming widows be made up, and then—back again to shirt-buttonless England.
No doubt a duty will he levied upon the blooming freight. The love-sick bachelor, armed with a "tasting order," will hurry to the docks to try the sweetness of the charming Negresses before taking them out of bond. We can imagine the diary that will be kept some years hence.
[An interval of thirty years is supposed to elapse.
"This morning up early and went, as usual, to hoot under old Sidney Herbert's window. I smashed the only sound pane of glass in the dining-room. He hasn't had a knocker these three months. Was delighted to hear that the Albany had, for the seventy-fifth time, challenged him to a man; he has again refused!
"Heavens! what a state we are in. Before I could go out, I had to gum up the holes in my socks, as usual, and sent for the saddler to sew a fresh buckle and strap on my false collar.
"Had a long talk with a poor policeman, who was positively starving. He told me of the good old days of the cooks, when a gallant officer was always sure of his six good suppers. Poor fellow! he is not worse off than the army. Many of our bold troops have not smoked for months; they miss the maid-servants' wages sadly.
"I groaned as I walked down Regent Street. All the shops closed. The crowd round the wax female bust at Rossi's was fearful. Heavens! what a lovely head and shoulders it has!
"Dined at Ned Franklin's yesterday, and had a small piece of pickled gooseberry pie that his sister had sent him from Australia. He tells me the subscription among the Mahomedan countries goes on well. The Grand Turk was moved to tears at our situation, and subscribed twenty of his wives on the spot. Bless him! Bless him!
"Fluffy has been obliged to lock his wife up in the cellar. His door was broken open yesterday ten times by the adoring multitude. All over his walls has been chalked, 'No monopoly!'
"We are on the point of despair! Is it not kind of the Queen to allow her lady's-maid to be on view every Saturday? The angel is sadly small-pocked, but still valued at 4000 guineas.