‘And now it pleased God to show me, that if I would indeed live strictly and holily as becomes the gospel, then I must leave the communion of the church of England; but knew not yet which way to determine myself, nor to what body of men I should join, who were more orthodox and more regular in their lives. As for the Quakers, so called, I was so great a stranger to them, that I had never read any of their books, nor do I remember that ever I conversed with any one man of that communion in my whole life. I think there was one in Foxly, whilst I was curate there; but I never saw the man, though I went several times to his house on purpose to talk with him, and to bring him off from his mad and wild enthusiasm, as I then ignorantly thought it to be. As for that way, I knew it was every where spoken against. He that had a mind to appear more witty and ingenious than the rest, would choose this for the subject of his profane jests and drollery; with this he makes sport, and diverts the company; for a Quaker is but another name for a fool or a mad man, and was scarce ever mentioned but with scorn and contempt. As for drollery, I confess I was never any great friend to it; but indeed if all was true that was laid to the Quakers’ charge, I thought they were some of the worst people that ever appeared in the world, and wondered with what face they could call themselves Christians; since I was told they denied the fundamental articles of the holy faith, to which I ever bore the highest veneration and esteem; and notwithstanding I had always lived at the greatest distance from that people, and was very zealous in the worship of the church of England, and upon all occasions would speak very honourably of it, moreover was content to suffer some few inconveniencies upon that account, as thou very well knowest; yet my father still looked upon me as inclining to the Quakers; and some years ago signified to a friend, he was afraid I would become an enthusiast; and whilst I was at Bungan school, he sent me two books to read that were written against the Quakers, one of which was John Faldo’s: who had been sufficiently exposed for it by William Penn.
‘Whilst I lived in London in that private retired manner, I was just now speaking of walking very humbly in the sight of God, and having opportunity to reflect upon my past life, as I had occasion to be one day at a bookseller’s shop, I happened to cast my eye on Barclay’s works: and having heard in the country, that he was a man of great account amongst the Quakers, I had a mind to see what their principles were, and what defence they could make for themselves; for sure, thought I, these people are not so silly and ridiculous; nor maintainers of such horrid opinions, as the author of the Snake, and some others would make us believe. I took Barclay home with me, and I read him through in a week’s time, save a little treatise at the end, which I found to be very philosophical, I omitted; but however, I soon read enough to convince me of my own blindness and ignorance in the things of God; there I found a light to break in upon my mind, which did mightily refresh and comfort me, in that poor, low, and humbled state, in which I then was; for indeed I was then, and had been for a considerable time before, very hungry and thirsty after righteousness, and therefore I received the truth with all readiness of mind: it was like balm to my soul, and as showers of rain to the thirsty earth, which is parched with heat and drought. This author laid things down so plainly, and proved them with such ingenuity and dexterity of learning, and opened the Scriptures so clearly to me, that without standing to cavil, dispute, raise argument or objection, or consulting with flesh and blood, I presently resigned myself to God; and weeping for joy that I had found so great a treasure, I often thanked him with tears in my eyes for so kind a visitation of his love, that he was graciously pleased to look toward me when my soul cried after him; so, though before I was in great doubt and trouble of mind, not knowing which way to determine myself, yet now the sun breaking out so powerfully upon me, the clouds were scattered: I was now fully satisfied in my own mind which way I ought to go, and to what body of people I should join myself.
‘So I immediately left the communion of the church of England, and went to Gracechurch-street meeting. After I had read Barclay, I read some other books of that kind, among which was an excellent piece, though in a small volume, called No Cross No Crown. Thus I continued reading and frequenting meetings for several weeks together, but did not let any one soul know what I was about. The first man I conversed with was George Whitehead, and this was several weeks after I began to read Barclay, and frequent their meetings. By him I was introduced into more acquaintance, and still the further I went, the more I liked their plainness, and the decency and simplicity of their conversation. They do not use the ceremonies and salutations of the church of England, but shake hands freely, and converse together as brothers and sisters, that are sprung of the same royal seed, and made kings and priests unto God. O, the love, the sweetness and tenderness, and affection, I have seen among this people! “By this,” says Christ, “shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” “Put on therefore,” says the apostle, “(as the elect of God, holy and beloved,) bowels of mercy, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering.”
‘Thus, my dear friend, I have given thee an account of my proceeding on this affair. As to my bodily state, if thou desirest to know what it is, I may acquaint thee that I have my health, as well as ever, and I bless God I have food and raiment sufficient for me, so that I want no outward thing; and I have the necessities and conveniencies of life liberally: let us not burden ourselves with taking care for the vanities and superfluities of it; let us possess our vessels in sanctification and honour; and as we bring our minds into perfect subjection to the whole will of God, so let us bring our body to the most simple and natural way of living; being content with the fewest things, never studying to gratify our wanton appetites, nor to follow the customs and humours of men; but how we may so contract our earthly cares and pleasures, that we may bring most glory to God, most health and peace to our own souls, and do most service to the truth; and if this be our aim, certainly a very small portion of the things of this world will suffice us, seeing we are Christians; we should therefore earnestly pursue those things which bring us nearest to God, and which are most perfective of human nature: for what is more than a competency, seems to be a burden to a generous philosophical soul, which would breathe in a pure vehicle, that so it may have a quick sense and relish of all blessings, both of the superior and inferior worlds.
‘Thou knowest, my dear friend, that religion is a very serious thing, and repentance is a great work, and one precious immortal soul is of more worth than ten thousand perishing worlds, with all their pomp and glory; therefore let us take courage, and be valiant for the truth upon the earth, let us not content ourselves with a name and profession of godliness, let us come to the life and power of it, let us not despond of getting the victory. We have a little strength for God: let us be faithful to him, and he will give us more strength, so that we shall see the enemy of our peace fall before us, and nothing shall be impossible unto us: I say, my friend, let us be faithful to that measure of light and knowledge which God has given us, to be profited and edified by it in a spiritual life, and as God sees we are diligent and faithful to work with the strength we have, he will more and more enlighten us, so that we shall see to the end of those forms and shadows of religion wherein we had formerly lived; but if he sees we are about to take up our rest in those shadows, that we grow cold and indifferent in the pursuit of holiness, running out into notions and speculations; and have more mind to dispute, and to make a show of learning and subtilty, than to lead a holy and devout life, then it is just with God to leave us in a carnal and polluted state; to continue yet but in the outward court, where we may please ourselves with beholding the beauty and ornaments of a worldly sanctuary, and never witness the veil being taken away, and that we are brought by the blood of Jesus, into the holiest of all, where alone there is true peace with God, and rest to the weary soul. I could say much upon this head, if time or leisure would give leave.
‘As for a particular answer to thy letter, I have not time now to give it; and for the present let this general answer suffice: and if thou wilt consider things in their pure abstracted nature, and not suffer the prejudice of education to sway thee, but in fear and humility wilt search out the truth for thyself, thou wilt find that there needs no other answer to thy letter than what I have already given; for by waiting upon God, and diligently seeking him, thou wilt find an answer to it in thy own bosom, and this will be much more full, clear, and satisfactory than I, or any other man living can pretend to give thee, or any other friend who hath lovingly written to me; for whom I desire, with all the sincere-hearted in the church of England, that they may come to witness the Almighty power of God, to save and redeem them from every yoke; and that they may see clearly to the end of those things which are abolished, and come to the enjoyment of spiritual and heavenly things themselves, is the daily prayer and deep travail of my soul, God knoweth. Till I can be more particular, if thou please thou mayest communicate this to them, and let them know that I am well, and thank them for their kind letters. Let us remember to pray for one another with all fervency, that we may stand perfect in the whole will of God, Amen, saith my soul. I am thy most affectionate friend and servant in Jesus,
SAMUEL CRISP.’
The following letter, or account of one Evan Jevans, is also remarkable.
‘Since it hath pleased the divine goodness to endue me with reason, I heartily thank his most excellent Majesty: that it has been the further product of his good will to give me life and being in that part of the world, where I have had the freedom to use it; especially in the choice of my persuasion, and way of returning my acknowledgment to him. I wish that all, who make any pretensions to religion, would make use of this noble faculty with subjection to the divine will to determine their choice in this grand affair; and not let the religion of their education be that of their judgment. If people were thus truly wise unto their own salvation, and did not too lazily resign themselves to the conduct of their guides, thereby regarding more their ease than safety, they would not only be the better able to give a reason of the hope that is in them, but they would show more warmth in their devotion, more charity in their religion, and more piety in their conversation than at present they do.
‘When I was visited some time ago by the chastising hand of the Lord, for sin and my disobedience to his holy will, I laboured under great affliction of mind, and anguish of spirit; and though I was constant above many in my attendance on the public prayers of the church, strict in my observation of its ceremonies, and exceeding frequent in the use of private devotion, yet my burden increased, and I waxed worse.