COUNTESS.
May the world know them?
CLOWN.
I have been, madam, a wicked creature, as you and all flesh and blood are; and indeed I do marry that I may repent.
COUNTESS.
Thy marriage, sooner than thy wickedness.
CLOWN.
I am out of friends, madam, and I hope to have friends for my wife’s sake.
COUNTESS.
Such friends are thine enemies, knave.
CLOWN.
Y’are shallow, madam, in great friends; for the knaves come to do that for me which I am a-weary of. He that ears my land spares my team, and gives me leave to in the crop: if I be his cuckold, he’s my drudge. He that comforts my wife is the cherisher of my flesh and blood; he that cherishes my flesh and blood loves my flesh and blood; he that loves my flesh and blood is my friend; ergo, he that kisses my wife is my friend. If men could be contented to be what they are, there were no fear in marriage; for young Charbon the puritan and old Poysam the papist, howsome’er their hearts are sever’d in religion, their heads are both one; they may jowl horns together like any deer i’ the herd.
COUNTESS.
Wilt thou ever be a foul-mouth’d and calumnious knave?
CLOWN.
A prophet I, madam; and I speak the truth the next way:
For I the ballad will repeat,
Which men full true shall find;
Your marriage comes by destiny,
Your cuckoo sings by kind.
COUNTESS.
Get you gone, sir; I’ll talk with you more anon.
STEWARD.
May it please you, madam, that he bid Helen come to you; of her I am to speak.