All's Well That Ends Well

by William Shakespeare

[Opening a letter.]

CLOWN.
I have no mind to Isbel since I was at court. Our old lings and our Isbels o’ th’ country are nothing like your old ling and your Isbels o’ th’ court. The brains of my Cupid’s knock’d out, and I begin to love, as an old man loves money, with no stomach.

COUNTESS.
What have we here?

CLOWN.
E’en that you have there.

[Exit.]

COUNTESS.
[Reads.] I have sent you a daughter-in-law; she hath recovered the king and undone me. I have wedded her, not bedded her, and sworn to make the “not” eternal. You shall hear I am run away; know it before the report come. If there be breadth enough in the world, I will hold a long distance. My duty to you.
Your unfortunate son,
BERTRAM.

This is not well, rash and unbridled boy,
To fly the favours of so good a king,
To pluck his indignation on thy head
By the misprizing of a maid too virtuous
For the contempt of empire.

Enter Clown.

CLOWN.
O madam, yonder is heavy news within between two soldiers and my young lady.

COUNTESS.
What is the matter?