Enter Dogberry, Verges, and the Watch, with Conrade and Borachio.
DOGBERRY.
Come you, sir: if justice cannot tame you, she shall ne’er weigh more reasons in her balance. Nay, an you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to.
DON PEDRO.
How now! two of my brother’s men bound! Borachio, one!
CLAUDIO.
Hearken after their offence, my lord.
DON PEDRO.
Officers, what offence have these men done?
DOGBERRY.
Marry, sir, they have committed false report; moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily, they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust things; and to conclude, they are lying knaves.
DON PEDRO.
First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I ask thee what’s their offence; sixth and lastly, why they are committed; and, to conclude, what you lay to their charge?
CLAUDIO.
Rightly reasoned, and in his own division; and, by my troth, there’s one meaning well suited.
DON PEDRO.
Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus bound to your answer? This learned constable is too cunning to be understood. What’s your offence?
BORACHIO.
Sweet Prince, let me go no farther to mine answer: do you hear me, and let this Count kill me. I have deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms could not discover, these shallow fools have brought to light; who, in the night overheard me confessing to this man how Don John your brother incensed me to slander the Lady Hero; how you were brought into the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero’s garments; how you disgraced her, when you should marry her. My villainy they have upon record; which I had rather seal with my death than repeat over to my shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my master’s false accusation; and, briefly, I desire nothing but the reward of a villain.