Wife comes out and says, "Hello, John, what have you got?"
"Two porterhouse steaks, Sally."
"What's that bundle, Pa?"
"Clothes to make you a new dress, Sis. Your mother has fixed your old one so often, it looks like a crazy quilt."
"And what have you there?"
"That's a pair of shoes for you, Tom; and here is some cloth to make you a pair of pants. Your mother has patched the old ones so often, they look like the map of United States."
What's the matter with the country? We have been dumping into the whisky hole the money that ought to have been spent for flour, beef and calico, and we haven't the hole filled up yet.
A man comes along and says: "Are you a drunkard?"
"Yes, I'm a drunkard."
"Where are you going?"