"I am going to hell."
"Why?"
"Because the Good Book says: 'No drunkard shall inherit the kingdom of God,' so I am going to hell."
Another man comes along and I say: "Are you a church member?"
"Yes, I am a church member."
"Where are you going?"
"I am going to heaven."
"Did you vote for the saloon?"
"Yes."
"Then you shall go to hell."