When I was lecturing in Kansas, some years ago, I had occasion to visit an old friend, a wealthy farmer, who had an interesting family of seven very marriageable daughters. And in conversation with me, the old gentleman expressed himself as greatly concerned about their matrimonial prospects. Knowing that I was investigating the scientific bearings of matrimony, he said to me, that if there was any light which I could throw upon the subject, which would aid him or his daughters in the selection of suitable husbands for them, he would consider himself under obligations to me for life. “But,” said the old man, sadly, “it’s no use, marriage is a lottery anyhow. If you draw a prize, well and good; if you draw a blank, you must make the best of it. You may lecture from now until doomsday and it won’t do any good. When they fall in love, they’re going to marry, and they won’t listen to reason.”
“Well, my friend,” I replied, “I should regret to have to entertain or express the opinion of your daughters that you have just uttered. If I did so, I should consider you entirely justifiable in ejecting me from your premises. It is an insult to the intelligence of your daughters to assert that they would not display sense and reason in the selection of a husband, as in anything else, if they had any knowledge upon which to act. Let me ask you a few questions which will prove my position. I want to buy a valuable horse, could your daughters aid me in the selection of the animal?”
“Oh, yes,” exclaimed my old friend, with evident pride, “my daughters know all about horses, sir. They have broken the most unruly colts that were ever raised on this farm. They can tell whether a horse is most suitable for draft, speed or breeding purposes, as soon as they look at him. They can tell how much it will take to feed him, and how far he can travel in a day without injury. My daughters are accomplished horsewomen, sir.”
“Good,” I answered, “valuable knowledge, sir, for young ladies to possess, especially if they expect to become farmer’s wives. I also want to buy a valuable farm, could your daughters aid me in the selection of the property?”
“Certainly, sir,” said the old gentleman, warming up with the subject, “my daughters have been instructed in all that pertains to scientific agriculture. They can not only select a good farm, from practical experience, but they have had scientific, theoretical training as well, under competent teachers. They can analyze the soil and tell you its chemical constituents, and they know what kind of soil is suitable for every crop you can name.”
“Capital, sir; I rejoice to know that your daughters are so well informed, and have had such excellent instruction and advantages. I now wish to select a good man, can your daughters aid me now?”
“Ah!” said my old friend, sadly, “I see, sir, that you have us all at a disadvantage on that question. My daughters have been neglected in that branch of education, and with my sixty years of experience, I must also admit that I am incompetent to aid either you or my daughters in the selection of a man.”
Here is the solution of the whole question. While the human race is interested in everything pertaining to literature, the arts, manufacture, commerce, religion, and science, the welfare of the race itself has been sadly overlooked. And the admission of my old farmer friend can well be made by all of you. And what I said to him in concluding our conversation, I now say to you. You have spent many hours in instructing your children in all that was desirable in literature, art, science, commerce, and religion. You have surrounded them with educational advantages; but you have neglected to instruct them on this vital topic of matrimony. You have treated it lightly or with indifference. You have left them in ignorance of the great social and physiological facts which surround it; and then you wonder when they marry upon blind impulse, and you call it lottery. Of course, they can’t display judgment when they have no facts to exercise judgment upon. And you feel offended when your child marries contrary to your advice, when you have been exposing your ignorance to that child ever since it was able to comprehend anything. You set yourself up as an authority on this question, when your youngest baby is fully alive to the fact that you are a total ignoramus in regard to it.
For my part, I admire the spirit of the young man or woman who, realizing the discouraging failure of the old folks, starts out on a new line in obedience to one of nature’s impulses, independent alike of paternal wrath or criticism. If such a one will consult the dictates of science in shaping and directing the impulse, the marriage will be much more likely to be happy, than those formed in deference to parental wishes, which, in a majority of cases, we regret to say, are dictated by merely prudential if not sordid reasons.
Before we discuss the main issue of our subject to-night, it may be interesting and instructive to ask: Why do people marry, anyhow? Did you ever think about that? There are a number of reasons, and we will discuss some of them.