From Snotty to Sub

by Wolston B. C. W. Forester

Fortunately there were no inhabitants to be scandalized by this spectacle of "British Naval Officers at Play!" The amusement was only brought to an end by cries of "Tea ready!" from the cooks. Then the bathers were allowed to resume their garments and soon all were doing full justice to the good fare provided.

The menu consisted of sausages, scrambled eggs, potted meats, tinned crab, sardines, oranges, chocolate biscuits, and anything else indigestible that you can think of.... After a brief interval allowed for assimilation, trench warfare was instituted and a furious combat raged up and down the island until both sides were utterly exhausted.

At 6 P.M., pleasantly tired, and very dirty, we all embarked, weighed anchor to the strains of "Blow the Man down," and still singing set sail for the ship, and drew alongside to the tune of "When you come to the End of a Perfect Day," which seemed to us singularly appropriate.

At 9 o'clock the next morning we embarked in the picket-boat and proceeded to H.M.S. ——, on which ship the seamanship oral exam. was to be held. As soon as we got aboard we were taken down to the school place, and there told to wait until summoned. The only seating accommodation consisted of two hard wooden benches, and some of the candidates from other ships were already assembled, busily studying seamanship manuals and signal-books: they looked quite as dejected and apprehensive as we felt!

Presently Captain ——, President of the Examining Board, came in and summoned the three seniors to his cabin. I was due to go in with the next three, but it was more than an hour and a half before we were sent for, and as the minutes crawled by we became more and more downcast and miserable as we realized the enormous number of questions the examiners must be asking. At last our time came. There were three officers on the Board, and I went first to Commander ——. He questioned me on the duties of officers of the watch in harbour and at sea; and then passed on to the handling of ships; boat work, anchor work; ships' stores and construction.

Next I went to our own Commander, who put to me queries about rigging and more anchor work. Last—and worst of all—I went to the Captain, who was examining in signals. Luckily he did not himself know very much about the subject, for there is a lot of specializing in the Service, and not even a Captain can be a specialist in every branch of naval work, so he used a printed list of questions and answers made out by the Yeoman of Signals.

Then, however, he played us a nasty trick, for he had the Chief Yeoman of Signals down to his cabin to give us Morse and semaphore exercises, and remained watching us all the time instead of, as is usually done, sending us up to the bridge. Of course, in the latter case, if the Chief Yeoman is at all a decent sort, he does the exercises very slowly, and if you wish him to do so repeats any one you may miss. I did not get a single word in Morse—and precious little in semaphore—and I went down to the gunroom ready to bet any money that I had failed.

The Sub. of H.M.S. ——'s gunroom was one of those giddy pessimists who always predict disaster: "Expect you'll all be Snotties for another month," was his cheerful verdict! However, he gave us an excellent lunch, and at 12.30 the boat arrived to take us back to our own ship. Three of our number were still on the rack, so we went back without them.

Like myself, G—— and C—— were gloomily certain that they had failed, and we fairly dreaded the arrival of the boat which would bring the Commander, our two remaining candidates, and—the result of the examinations. They did not arrive until 2.30, and then, to my infinite relief, I found that all but one of us had passed, and—glory be!—that one wasn't me!