After this my peace flowed like a river.
“Jesus all the day long
Was my joy and my song.”
I lived in a heavenly atmosphere, far above the common walks of life. Glory to God and the Lamb forever! for a salvation that has life and peace and joy in the Holy Ghost, amen! and amen! The fire burns while I write—bless the Lord! I believed that Jesus saved me from all my sins. I did not understand the nature of inbred sin. I had felt nothing but love to God and all mankind. The roots of old depravity had not yet been disturbed, hence I did not believe they existed. I was soon to be tested upon this point.
Soon after my conversion I had placed in my hands several works on holiness: Wesley, Wallace, Foster, and Mrs. Palmer. On examining these books I felt that I had got in the first blessing all they claimed for the second. I was soon to learn that justification, though clear and positive, did not remove the roots of bitterness, the remains of the carnal mind.
About four weeks after my conversion, one cold day in March, I wanted to move a stove of the Clinton air-tight pattern from one room to another with the fire in it, just as we were using it, as it was cold, and the only stove we had up. I laid my plans, and commenced the job in earnest. I succeeded in getting the pipe in position and the stove moved, but now came the tug of war. The pipe would not go together as I expected. I had been feeling remarkably good, but suddenly my feelings underwent a tremendous change; I seemed to be all on fire; and like Mount Vesuvius, just ready to belch forth fire and lava. You ask, dear reader, what was the matter? Why, my pipe would not go together; and besides, I pinched my fingers, the smoke filled my eyes, and yet the pipe would not unite. Again and again I pinched my fingers and smoked my eyes until it seemed to me that I should burst if I did not curse and swear with all my might. I set my jaws together like a steel trap, lest I should give vent to the smoke that raged within. I finished my job, and away I went, to where no eye but God could see me. I fell on my face and cried for mercy. This element in my heart gave me more pain than anything I had ever met with. O, how I loathed myself. I saw clearly the nature of my disease. Old depravity was at the bottom of all this difficulty. The tree had been cut down, but the roots were all there.
Dear reader, these roots may not have affected you just as they did me; but if you are not sanctified wholly, they are there, in the heart and will, when the hot breath of Apolyon comes upon you, strive for the supremacy. This experience brought clearly to my mind, the doctrine of sanctification as taught by John Wesley. I commenced in earnest the study of the Bible, to learn God’s will in this matter. I found it full of holiness. I saw that it was not only my privilege to be made holy in this life, but a positive command: “Be ye holy, for I am holy.”My conviction for this blessing was deep, clear, pungent and abiding. O, how my soul cried out after a clean heart. I said that if the religion of Jesus Christ did not take out all sin from the heart, it was a failure.
Blessed be God! I have proved that Jesus Christ can save to the uttermost. In fifty-eight, at a camp-meeting in Bergen, N. Y., I was enabled to give myself fully to God, and to claim Jesus Christ as my full and complete Saviour. O, how I felt the blood washing and cleansing my heart, from all the remains of the carnal mind. When the blessing came I was lost to all surrounding objects; but what communion I had with the Father and with the Son, and with the Holy Ghost. Light shone all through me. I could see every part of my moral being; and O! how clean and pure; those roots were gone. My soul cried out—
“’Tis done, Thou dost this moment save,
With full salvation bless,