SCENE I
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA is sitting luxuriously near the window; she wears a silk waist, and a bonnet of the latest fashion. PODKHALYÚZIN, in a stylish frock coat, stands before the mirror. Behind him TISHKA is adjusting his master's clothes, and adding the finishing touches.
TISHKA. There now, it fits you to a T!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Well, Tishka, do I look like a Frenchman? Ah! Step away and look at me!
TISHKA. Like as two peas.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Go along, you blockhead! Now you just look at me. [He walks about the room] There now, Olimpiáda Samsónovna! And you wanted to marry an officer, ma'am! Ain't I a sport, though? I picked the smartest coat I could find and put it on.
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. But you don't know how to dance, Lázar Elizárych.
PODKHALYÚZIN. What of it—won't I learn, though, and the raggiest ever! In the winter we're going to attend the Merchants' Assemblies. You just watch us, ma'am! I'm going to dance the polka.
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Now, Lázar Elizárych, you buy that carriage we saw at
Arbatsky's.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Of course, Olimpiáda Samsónovna, ma'am! Of course, by all means!
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. They've brought me a new cloak; you and I ought to go
Friday to Sokolniki.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Of course, most certainly we'll go, ma'am; and we'll drive in the park on Sundays. You see our carriage is worth a thousand rubles, and the horses a thousand, and the harness mounted with silver—just let 'em look! Tishka! My pipe. [TISHKA goes out. PODKHALYÚZIN sits down beside OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA] Just so, ma'am, Olimpiáda Samsónovna; you just let 'em watch us.
[Silence.]
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Well, why don't you kiss me, Lázar Elizárych?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Why, sure! Permit me, ma'am! With great pleasure! If you please, your little hand, ma'am! [He kisses it. Silence] Olimpiáda Samsónovna, say something to me in the French dialect, ma'am!
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. What shall I say to you?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Oh, say anything—any little thing, ma'am. It's all the same to me, ma'am!
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Kom voo zet zholi!
PODKHALYÚZIN. What does that mean, ma'am?
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. How nice you are!
PODKHALYÚZIN. [Jumping up from his chair] Aha! now here's a wife for you, ma'am! Hooray, Olimpiáda Samsónovna! You've treated me fine! Your little hand, please!
Enter TISHKA with the pipe.
TISHKA. Ustinya Naúmovna has come.
PODKHALYÚZIN. What the devil is she here for!
TISHKA goes out.