SCENE X
BOLSHÓV and RISPOLÓZHENSKY
BOLSHÓV. Well, Sysóy Psoich, I suppose you've wasted a good deal of ink in your time on this pettifoggery?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. He, he! Samsón Sílych, cheap goods! But I came to inquire how your business is getting on.
BOLSHÓV. You did! Much you need to know! Bah, you low-down people! You bloodsuckers! Just let you scent out something or other, and immediately you sneak round with your diabolical suggestions.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. What kind of a suggestion could come from me, Samsón Sílych? What kind of a teacher should I be, when you yourself, perhaps, are ten times wiser than I am? I shall do what I'm asked to do. How can I help it? I'd be a hog if I didn't; because I, it may be said, am loaded with favors by you, and so are my kiddies. I'm too much of a fool to advise you; you know your own business yourself better than anybody else.
BOLSHÓV. Know my own business! That's the trouble; men like me, merchants, blockheads, understand nothing; and this just serves the turn of such leeches as you. And now you'll besiege me on every side and haunt me to death.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. How can I help haunting you? If I didn't love you I wouldn't haunt you. Haven't I any feelings? Am I really a mere dumb brute?
BOLSHÓV. I know that you love me—you all love us; only one can't get anything decent out of you. Here I'm worrying, worrying with this business so that I'm worn out, if you believe me, with this one anxiety. If I could only get it over with, and out of my head.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Well, Samsón Sílych, you aren't the first, nor the last; aren't others doing it?
BOLSHÓV. How can they help it, brother? Others are doing it. But how do they do it; without shame, without conscience! They ride in carriages with easy springs; they live in three-storied houses. One of them will build a belvedere with pillars, in which he's ashamed to show his ugly phiz; and that's the end of him, and you can't get anything out of him. These carriages will roll away, Lord knows where; all his houses are mortgaged, and all the creditors will get out of it'll be three pairs of old boots. That's the whole story. And who is it that he'll fool? Just some poor beggars whom he'll send out into the world in nothing but their shirts. But my creditors are all rich men; what difference will it make to them?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Naturally. Why, Samsón Sílych, all that is in our hands.
BOLSHÓV. I know that it's in our hands; but are you equal to handling this affair? You see, you lawyers are a rum lot. Oh, I know you! You're nimble enough in words, and then you go and mess things up.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. But come now, Samsón Sílych, if you please: do you think this is the first time for me! As though I didn't know that already! He, he, he! Yes, I've done such things before; and they've turned out fine. They'd have sent anybody else long ago for such jobs to the other side of nowhere.
BOLSHÓV. Oho! What kind of a scheme will you get up?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Why, we'll see—according to circumstances. I'll just take a thimbleful, Samsón Sílych. [Drinks] Now, the first thing, Samsón Sílych, we must mortgage the house and shops; or sell them. That's the first thing.
BOLSHÓV. Yes, that positively must be done right away. But on whom shall we shove the stuff? Shall it be my wife?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Illegal, Samsón Sílych! That's illegal! It is stated in the laws that such sales are not valid. It's an easy thing to do, but you'll have to see that there're no hitches afterward. If it's to be done, it must be done thoroughly, Samsón Sílych.
BOLSHÓV. That's it: there must be no loose ends.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. If you make it over to an outsider, there's nothing they can cavil at. Let 'em try to make a row later, and try to dispute good legal papers.
BOLSHÓV. But here's the trouble: when you make over your house to an outsider, maybe it'll stick to him, like a flea to a soldier.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Well, Samsón Sílych, you must look for a man who knows what conscience is.
BOLSHÓV. But where are you going to find him nowadays? Everybody's watching his chance these days to grab you by the collar; and here you want conscience!
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Here's my idea, Samsón Sílych, whether you want to listen to me or not: what sort of a fellow is your clerk?
BOLSHÓV. Which one? Do you mean Lázar?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Yes; Lázar Elizárych.
BOLSHÓV. All right, Lázar; make it over to him; he's a young man with understanding, and he has some capital.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. What do you want, Samsón Sílych, a mortgage-deed or a purchase-deed?
BOLSHÓV. Whichever you can get at the lowest interest rate'll suit me. But do the thing up brown and I'll give you such a fee, Sysóy Psoich, as'll fairly make your hair curl.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Set your mind at rest, Samsón Sílych, I know my own business. But have you talked to Lázar Elizárych about this thing or not? Samsón Sílych, I'll just take a thimbleful. [Drinks.
BOLSHÓV. Not yet. We'll talk it over to-day. He's a capable lad; only wink at him, and he understands. And he'll do the business up so tight that you can't get in a finger. Well! we'll mortgage the house; and then what?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Then we'll write out a statement that such and such notes are due, and that we'll pay twenty-five kopeks on the ruble: well, then go see the creditors. If anybody is especially stubborn, you can add a bit, and if a man gets real angry, pay him the whole bill. You'll pay him on the condition that he writes that he accepted twenty-five kopeks—just for appearances, to show the others. "That's the way he did," you see; and the others, seeing the document, will agree.
BOLSHÓV. That's right, there's no harm in bargaining: if they don't take it at twenty-five kopeks, they'll take it at half a ruble; but if they won't take it at half a ruble, they'll grab for it with both hands at seventy kopeks. We'll profit, anyhow. There, you can say what you please, but I have a marriageable daughter; I want to pass her on, and get rid of her. And then, my boy, it'll be time for me to take a rest; I'll have an easy time lying on my back; and to the devil with all this trading! But here comes Lázar.